Beeswax

I want to escape.
I want to shut off everyone I know.
I want to be in some place quiet.
I just want to stand still for a moment.
I want to step into a blackhole and escape reality.
Fingers trembling, heart beating faster, I want to burst out of the door running...running from it all.
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I wake up and am reminded of the countless responsibilities binding me to this messy world.
I get caught up with a world where everyone's eager to make end's meet.
I sometimes find solace when I'm with friends.
They find it weird if I stare into space. They don't know that it's my way of absorbing everything that's around me.
More often, I prefer being alone. I'm afraid nowadays; it's much harder to find a spot to be by myself. The walls are closing in and everyone is getting involved when they need not be.
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To them if I grow quiet; something is amiss.
To them if I talk incessantly; it's good because everyone's happy.
If I don't tell them what's wrong; I'm being selfish and secretive.
If I want them not to bother me; they think I'm being uncooperative.
I want to be left alone.
I will talk when I want to. I will stop whatever it is I'm doing when I want to.
My life is none of them beeswax.