...

it's weird and disconcerting how I'm suddenly looking up old friends and old pictures from my then life. I'm not sure if it's because I'm already away from home that I'm suddenly missing it terribly. I'm not sure if it's a normal reaction now that I'm here. I'm scared because it feels as if I've left a part of me - the child in me back home.

I never realized that with leaving, I have blindly stepped out of my childhood and the life I've known. I feel as if I've finally closed a certain chapter in my life I can never go back to. I've stepped out, waved goodbye, people were (kinda) sad of my going but after that life for them continues - minus me.

I guess it's different for me because with leaving, I've to create another comfort zone for myself - minus everyone I love nearby. It scares the shit out of me.

I suddenly miss my bestfriend, my girls, my old friends. I think I've been trying to avoid feeling all these because I have to be strong not only for myself but for my family that depends on me.

The carefree me would always welcome new experiences, but that's not the me talking right now.

Maybe I'll just bawl over and cry when I get home..maybe then I'll feel better.

'Nuff said.

Getting Sick / Getting a Part Time J-O-B

Being independent has its downs..and I just experienced it AGAIN here in Beijing.

I rented an apartment when I was still in Manila. I remember how it sucks everytime I get sick. No yaya to get medicine for you..not even a mom to remind you to actually drink it. I just had my Cujo who would stop by before or after his shift to bring me food and medicine or to plain stay with me if it's his rest day.

Well, it's different now that I'm outside PI. Even if I'm with my agents sharing the apartment, I can't just go knock on their doors and ask for their help because I'm sick. I have pride, ya know. *yeah, stupid pride will get me killed someday

Heck, I got sick 3 days after I returned from the 'business trip' to PI. I think it's the very cold-very hot-very cold again that did it. Or maybe it's my excessive smoking ever since I got back that triggered it. *O well

Anyway, it was a nasty experience. I was asleep most of the time. I couldn't drink my meds because I'm too sick to prepare me some food to eat. I went on a 'pancit canton' diet coz it's the easiest food to prepare. *Yeah, I managed to bring w/ me the ever famous Lucky Me Pancit Canton Calamansi and Chili-mansi flavor...Yum

I was out for two days..heck, this is the third day but I forced myself to get my butt back to work. *Why?

My boss called and said she's gonna bring me to the hospital if I don't get any better. THAT, kinda cured me. I'm scared shit of hospitals..well, hospitals here in Beijing I guess. Just being on the same street where people spit like hell makes me sick..what more if I'm in an actual sick place?! *Can't imagine..won't imagine.

~~~

In other news, I'm on the look out for potential part time jobs. *Yeah, yeah, it's still me writing here. Don't get shocked, people change ya know

I applied for a part time restaurant staff and a teacher's assistant. The latter pays more so I guess I'd show up for my scheduled interview tomorrow.

I used to hate job ads saying 'Native English speakers - a requirement'. My colleague here was nice enough to enlighten me that we're actually one of the 'Native English speakers' the ads were talking about. *smart ass

So yeah, here's to hoping I'd be well enough to show up for the interview. Heck, I'm already contemplating if I should just bring my stilettos with me and wear my boots on the way to the interview. Just thinking of commuting on heels on board a bus makes my feet cringe.

Trip to PI

It's good to be home...=)

I'll be coming homeeeeeeeee.... *grins from ear to ear

It will only be a short stay..but hell, I don't care! It's all worth it. Company pays, while I'll see Cujo and my bes.

I can't wait!!! *still grinning from ear to ear

Musings

+++
Spending the holidays at a strange and unfamiliar country, it made me appreciate the intricate and unique way we celebrate Christmas and New Year back at home. The homesickness reached me unexpectedly that it left me yearning for the old familiar surroundings.

+++
I love you..

I love you for making me learn to be independent..
I love you for making me realize that I won't always have to put other's needs first...
I love you for always making me feel that you are with me no matter where I go..
I love you for making me feel all sorts of emotion..(stuff I've yearned for the longest time)
I love you for giving me surprises that I sometimes hate but secretly love..
I love you for inspiring me to grow up and stand on my own..
I love you for letting me love you in my own crazy way..

I love you for being everything that I've always dreamed of.

+++
I got the biggest surprise to date..

I can't stop grinning anticipating the confirmation that I can spend a few precious day back home. I can't stop thinking up stuff I'll be doing once I step into my comfort zone again.

I can't wait.

+++
I miss you Bes...

I read old posts exchanged between the two of us. Yes, you're not only my precious bestfriend but also my surrogate mom and sister, reliable hitman, and my unrelenting shrink. And yes, I felt you beam with pride when I made this major decision to move away from home. We may have branched out and carved our destinies into different directions but there would always be that crossroad where we will always meet.

I can't wait to sit and smoke the day away while we talk about nothing and everything.