Happpy New Year!

A couple more hours and 2006 will usher it's way into our lives.

A lot has happened this year..a lot of stuff that forced me to grow up into what I am now.
I feel loved more than ever..by my Cujo, my bestfriend, other close friends..and my family (although they don't show it)..

I know there are a lot of things I'm raring to start doing once the new year starts but there are also stuff that I want to be thankful for:

-my Cujo. It all started with our nightly yosi breaks..Friday movie dates..and now we're onto our 10th month and we're sure as hell still crazy for each other. I love you bigtime!

-my Bes. She has always been with me..through thick or thin..I'm thankful that she's happy and settled now.

-my close friends. For sporadically coming to my rescue whenever I need a good old heave-ho.

-my family. For molding me into the kind of person I am today. I may have to learn and acknowledge their twisted way of appreciating me but nevertheless..their my family..so there.

-the Bitch. You may or may not have deserved what's happening to you right now. I won't be the judge of that. But I am thankful because if you did not fail as a partner and as a person, I would not have learned to love the man I'm with now. I just wish that you pick up whatever's left of you and start building a life of your own. Being embittered will only leave you a sorrier loser than what you are now. Don't try to be friends with me because we never can be one.


To everything that happened in 2005..good..bad..sweet..tragic..traumatic..unforgettable..
adds up to the person I've become..

I welcome 2006 with trepidation and anticipation..because anything can happen.


Will it be a good year for me? I don't know..but I'll find out soon.



Happy New Year everyone!

There are some things in life that I deem undefinable...

stuff that no matter how many hours/days I spend pondering,

would still leave me baffled and stumped.

For all the stuff I still can't fathom..

For all the lessons I have yet to uncover..

For all the growing up I have yet to experience..

thanks for always holding my hand

and never letting go.

Christmas na ba?

Ows, lapit na?

Talaga?

Di ko feel eh. Sorry.

(da bitch stole my Christmas eh)

Where to?

the unexpected and the most dreadful thing ever imaginable finally happened last week.

It blew us off.
It blew everyone we know off.

I don't know what's going to happen now..
I try and pretend to function normally while all this is unfolding..
but I can't pretend all the time.
I feel my feet buckling and my one wish is for the ground to finally open and swallow me up.

I love you to death..but I no longer know where to go from here.
She's the only one holding on. Your family has finally accepted the fact. I guess my family does too.

How can we finally tell her that there's no way anyone can break us up?
Do we gag and bag her then send her to some distant place?
How I want her to disappear so we can get on with our lives.
I know i sound heartless but for her to fight for a union that is no longer there is futile.
Might as well pack the dignity I'm not sure she still has and leave.

I may be judged by posting this one but I don't know where to turn to anymore.
Close friends can only give enough support and encouragement that we will get through this..
but I really don't know what tomorrow will bring us.

Ask me if i want this nightmare to end and I'll say yes.
Ask me if i want to let go of the man I love dearly and I'll say no.
Ask me if i know where i'm going with all this; I'll shake my head and say no.

Through the fire..

My head wants to remove itself from my body.
All the training, modules and countless assessments is really a shock for me considering that I came from such a laid back account.
I go home almost crawling towards my room. I could almost drop dead without having to change to my 'pambahay' because of extreme exhaustion.
For all the stress coming my way, you can only guess how ecstatic I am cum Friday.

= = =
I miss my Cujo.
I appreciate that he fetches me from work and sees to it that I get home safely.
I still can't wait til weekends and holiday so I can really spend time with him.

= = =
You are still a kid.
You have a lot to learn and I honestly mind hearing advices coming from my kid brother.
I love you to death but please don't talk about stuff that you have yet to encounter once you've graduated and star in the real world.
Hindi ako lahat laging pasarap..naghihirap ako magtrabaho..ayusin ang gulong ginawa ko..at patunayan sa bahay na hindi na ko batang gumawa ng gulo na di ko kayang pangatawanan.
It breaks my heart to hear your words but please know that your big sister knows what she is doing and is very sorry for letting you all in on the mess she made.

I may have not the time to have a sit-down and explain what's going on with my life, but I'm wishing that once you hear my side, you respect my decision and stay by my side.
Otherside, I'd pack my bag and leave you all be.

Consider the possibilities

new surroundings..
new faces..
new challenges..

I'm working for a different company now.
Higher pay..higher expectations..
higher position..higher goals to meet..

I'm in a new environment and a new culture. I have finally stepped out of my comfort zone and I know I made the right choice.

Now the only thing left to do is to prove I am worthy of my new role.

Today Dell..tomorrow the world

I can't wait..

I never knew that the one thing I loved about the people I work with would also be the same thing I'd hate about them.




I can't wait...

Back from the Dead..(Thank God!)

At last! I get to post!

I feel like it's been ages since I last scribbled something here. I do manage to update the personal blog I have. I guess there are still some things that I don't want the world to know especially about what's happening to me right now.

I'm still at work. I've been here for 16 hours and counting. Work is toxic. Sometimes I'd find myself staring into space coz I hear my brain starting to shrink because I've been pushing it to work harder when it really couldn't.

I can still tap myself in the back coz I still manage to have a life inspite of my crazy life here at work. Life outside the office includes having a few drinks with colleagues after shift, movie with Cujo (my sweet one), a weekend night-out one once in a while and sporadic breakfast/dinner/lunch/coffee dates with my girl friends.

I miss blogging. I miss spending hours just tinkering with my layout, trying to make it look better. I miss having to write what I feel and have the world to share it with. I miss visiting fellow blogger's site and find out what they're feeling by their own posts. Nothing beats knowing that I'm not the only one miserable.

I miss my old friends here at work. They're leaving one by one and I've no choice but to accept it and wish for the best.

That's it for now, I guess. I hope my writing here today will make me go back and write some more. I miss my blog-crazy self.

Take care guys! Have a great weekend!

I feel like everyone around me is at their crossroads and they're off to somewhere and I have no choice but to stay here and watch them leave...

Work's really getting toxic by the day. I feel like I'm being swept off to some distant place; with the current going real fast.
I hardly have time to reflect on things..and that's what I really miss.


I miss spending time alone..just reading..just emptying my mind off certain worries at home, work and my personal life.
I miss spending time with Nemo. I feel like we're in two different places now although we get to see each other at work everyday. I miss her big time.
I miss spending time with my friends. I miss getting a breather from work and lounge somewhere with my dear friends. I miss their company.
I miss my carefree self. I'm expected to be responsible while at work and at home that I make it a point to just be idle when I get to find some free time for myself.
I miss not thinking about anything. I miss not being worried about what I'll be doing the next couple of days, weeks, months and so on.

It's a curse being too responsible.
It's a curse being too eager to meet everyone's demands.
It's a curse being a worrywart.

I can't help it..sometimes I feel like it's a curse being me...

First Post

Wow..first post for the Year 2005..

..my first idle time and I've chosen to visit my blog and scribble something..

actually I'm waiting for my bestfriend. We'll have coffee today and even if i've been sick and had gone to work, I want to make time for her. It's funny how we see each other everyday but we only manage to say a li'l 'hi' and 'how-are-you's' and I'm back to being busy. Sheesh..my work's eating me up!

I've been adjusting to the new position and as Toie said, I'm warming up fast but I still need direction. I'm enjoying it but I feel like I've been overly organized that I require everything I need to do be written in my handy-dandy Starbucks organizer or else, I'll miss doing it. *sighs So if I don't make little notes saying I need to reply to my friend's text or to call a friend to say hi, I'll totally miss out on doing it. Talk about being so oc-oc!

The Jerk's gone. 'I use to miss him but my aim is improving'. I saw that from a book title and he was the first thing that popped in my head when I read it. Hohum..I hope he's doing good. I'm over him..Ottoman and all. Hahaha! (Sorry, this is me being autistic.)

My focus now leans more on work. Love can come in second..at least while I'm still looking for a potential gentleman to sweep me off my feet and not ask to walk his dog with him. Haha!
(will not expound..=P)