You know...


Have you ever felt like kissing someone?

Feeling it but tried to ignore it thinking it is nothing?

Then once again you felt it. Its scary because its stronger this time. You managed to compose yourself and not do it.

But like a nightmare, it kept occurring.

You talk to him as if its nothing but all the while youre staring at his lips; wondering how good it will taste.

You act like theres nothing amiss but all the while a barrage of emotions are waging a protest inside your heart; wanting to be let out.

You find it weird because youve always talked, laughed, hung out but its as if you are seeing him in a different light.

What will happen if you kiss him?

Will he kiss you back? Will he hold you softly against his arms after the kiss? Or will you see something else?

Will the deed end a chapter and start another?

As the moment passed, you stare at his back. A lot of what-ifs and what-might-have-beens flooded your conscious self.

You dont want to stir something up. You want things to stay the way they are.

You know you are kidding yourself. You know you are letting your other sane half believe that things will stay still and quiet if you hold back.

You know letting the moment pass by will just be another chapter added to your list of "regrets".

You know that the next time you see him you would want to kick yourself in the a#S for letting the moment pass.

You know that it was the right thing to do. You try and make yourself believe that crap.

You know because you dont want to cause a stir. You want things the way they are now.



You know..

And yet you dont.

Freaky Friday

Freaky Friday


-pero GEL pa din ako!

Since I am a nocturnal being, let me start my post by telling you how my "night" began:



>I left the house with earphones plugged while I walked towards my ride. As I was crossing the street, I noticed a guy staring at me. I ignored him and went past him while I waited for a cab.
"Are you from Miriam?"
I knew someone was talking to me. I didnt know that it was the-staring-guy. I looked at him twice before saying,
"Excuse me?"
It is a good thing there were still a lot of people waiting for a ride on our area. I wouldve shouted or shoved my Swiss Knife down his throat if it were a bit late. I have been mugged twice so you cant blame me for being paranoid.
He asked if I was from Miriam College (I said yes *slaps forehead*); mentioned some names which I must say, sounded familiar.
He asked if I was from *bleep* subdivision. I said no. I didnt tell him that I was actually from a village near the place that he mentioned. O well.
He asked some more questions and I kept hoping that a cab would drive by so I could ditch him. Turned out the weirdo has a name: Andrew. He even offered his hand and..uhm..I shook it. I found out that he also works at a call center somewhere in Libis (Eastwood) and we have some common friends. Im still weirded out so I almost uttered a "Finally!" when I saw an empty cab. Im saved! Saved from his deadly last question:
"So, when is your birthday?" Hano ba?!!
Good thing I didnt have to kick his ass because I scurried as soon as the cab stopped in front of me.
He was kind enough to open the door for me and said "Nice meeting you." Dang, I only wanted to get away from him.
Call me paranoid. Call me weird. But I am merely being cautious.
I dont wanna end up right smack in front of a newspaper headline saying : Babae, nadedo dahil masyadong mabait.



>It's truly a freaky Friday; but this time its happy-freaky.

Remember Friendster? Well, I was minding my own business; tinkering with my list of friends then lo and behold -I saw a picture of the guy I was dating when I was working in a call center somewhere in Libis! Small world!

I remembered his sexy eyes. He was my first crush when I started there. I didnt know that the feeling was mutual at first. He was dating a batch mate back then so I was contented just looking. I found out that he had a thing for me through his girlfriend. She must have kicked herself for saying that because after a few days, he asked me out. Haha!

But hold on, dont think I was the mean bitch here. He told me theyve broken up. So there.

We went out a couple of times and I really enjoyed it. He was a lot of fun and I almost thought he'd be right for me. Alas, I found the experience really taxing because the ex kept on stalking him. Turned out he got her pregnant. *shocked * She hated me with a passion and she made my everyday work experience feel like hell. She kept stabbing me in the back; talked behind my back about things that werent really true.

Ending: The guy and I stopped dating because he found it fit that he take care of his own mess first and not to drag me in. AND I just realized that I wasn't even available at that time. I had a boyfriend when all that shit happened. Dang! Well, my boyfriend was MIA and he was probably shagging some other girl then BUT that is a different story so nuff said.

After a few months, I heard the girl had a miscarriage although we didnt buy the story.

Fast forward to today: The girl still works at that office; is dating another guy that will probably get her pregnant. Im exchanging messages with the guy as Im writing this and I believe hes also going out with a new girl from the same office.

I hope theyre all happy. I am just too thankful that I'm able to reconnect my ties with old friends and colleagues.

Here is a snippet of our conversation:

Melissa wrote:
Hello! Kilala mo pa ba ako? Hehe!
Sup wit you?

Sexy Eyes(not his real name)wrote:
la lang. Dito pa din sa *bleep * =) of course kilala pa din kita. I wouldnt forget my first crush sa batch naten! hehehe =)
*grinning from ear to ear: panalo na naman ang lola! Hahaha!

M wrote:
Lol..me too! How could I forget mr. Sexy eyes!

S.E.:
Eyes lang sexy sa akin? =( hehe
*so...todo sa pag-flirt ang lolo! Lol!

M wrote:
Haha! Well, I never had the chance to find that out, did I? LOL!
* Flirt fest na ito! Hahah!




>Freaky Friday!
End of work week and I am Stoked! We will be holding the despedida party at the Discovery Suites(again!)courtesy of Japanese Doll.I heard a lot of people would be bringing bottles of Tequila to the party. Dang! I guess the Alcoholics Unlimited will convene tonight!I will bring a blender so we could concoct my fave drink - Pantyliner(a mix of Tanduay, lime Island mixer and ice - truly wicked!)I better bring some clothes and stay for the night because it will be a sleepless and drunken one later! Woohoo!

Being called "Friends"

Being called "Friends"


My dinner with my high school buds pushed through.

I woke up wayyyy ahead of schedule and was at the coffee shop first.

Its someones birthday and I have been missing out on a lot of parties for many years now. I only realized that when they started talking about what is presently happening to them. One of them went like, "Yeah, I know that guy. We were at your house when we blah-blah-blah.." I absolutely zonked out. They get to see each other on a normal basis. One of them even blurted out that it has been years since she last saw me! Uhm..I think that was true because I hardly recognized her when she approached the group earlier that evening. Dang! I failed big time on the "friends" area for this group!

It is a good thing I had to leave early because of work. Im feeling like a loser already and its beginning to be utter torture if I try and stay a bit longer.

Ending: They transferred to a bar after having dinner at Piadina while I carried my sorry ass back to the office.

L-O-S-E-R

----------------

I admit it. I am an utter meanie.

Im sorry but I really cant stand him.

Im usually friendly to everybody, but this guy is the absolute exception! Maybe Im PMSing or something but I hate his guts with a passion. Aside from his stinky breath; which I bet the people within a 10-mile radius (Im exaggerating) will agree; his personality is intolerable. He has this habit of injecting his whole being into anyones conversation: and I dont think subtly ignoring him is helping. He also has this nasty tendency to be touchy to the extent that he is starting to be regarded as a "manyak". I shudder every time he goes by. I cringe every time he approaches me and lays his hand on my shoulders or he gently grabs the back of my neck..Ewww! Geroff me, man! Drop dead!

He is also a know-it-all; a Mr. "Look at me, I’m responsible!" when hes really not. I know that a lot of people at work have things to say about this sorry dude but I’ll leave them to tell their own tales. Im not badmouthing. Im merely venting out what I feel. This is my blog anyway so I can write and rant about anything.

I am trying my best to be nice to him but it is either I end up talking but not looking at him or just plain ignoring him.

I just hate his guts..so much! Arrgggh!



---------------

Ok, enough about this dude.

I feel bad that there is a tight air hovering above our group. If two people fight…the whole group suffers. I know that it is none of our business but the group feels bad. Parties, gatherings and even the atmosphere at the office will feel tense and uncomfortable from now on. I know they have their individual faults and I hope it gets settled soon. They are both my close friends and I dont wanna stand between them. I will stay neutral and wish for the best. Love you both.

--------------

If there is one thing I learned today, I guess its that maintaining a healthy relationship with friends is a lotta hard work. Looking for true friends is a load in itself but finding them and accepting them for who they are is even harder.

OF FRIENDS, BREAKING UP, AND A DESPEDIDA PARTY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The reason why I have been busy lately is because of this. I have only been a member for several weeks but I wasnt really interested. I was addicted to blogging, remember? So I never really took notice..until now.

I thought the site was a sorry excuse for people who dont have any friends in the real world. I thought wrong. Call me a late bloomer for all I care. Its actually a good venue to meet new friends and to get in touch with old ones. Its cool how I found a lot of my college friends there! Sweet!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel bad for a friend. She just found out that her 10-year boyfriend and almost-fiance doesnt love her anymore and will be leaving her for another bitch. The usual "you’ll be okay", "its time to move on" and "youll get over it" bit doesnt really sound appropriate in her case. You have to give her credit…they have been inseparable for a decade. She lives and breathes for this guy. He controlled her: told her what to do, where to work, when to be with her friends…yeah, this guy was a total ass.

So when she cried in front of me, the usual advice-giver side of me took a turn and went backstage. I just silently comforted her. I just let her sob her heart out while giving her sporadic hugs and kisses. I guess thats the best help one could give a friend in need.

I feel for her but I know what happened is somehow a blessing for her. She admitted that she actually lost all sense of self-respect and kinda lost her dignity as well in all the 10-years they’ve been together.

It may hurt immensely right now and she might find no reason to continue being strong but I believe that the incident happened for a reason. Cheesy, huh?! I think it’s better that it occurred now and not when theyre already married. My friend deserves someone who will love her for who she is: a sweet and loving person. I wish only the best for her. I wish all the hugs and kisses will help her feel better. Cry it out girl, it’ll do you good. Know that we’re always here fer you. *mwah *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ill be meeting up with my high school barkada tonight. I dont see much of this group and Im actually excited to see them again. I was always the one bailing out on them on birthdays and other gatherings. Call me bad but I am just too busy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I apologize for not being able to update my blog daily. I have been running out of ideas and thoughts to write..which is soooo unusual for me. I need to be inspired! Haha!

Well, Ill be attending a despedida party for Japanese Doll and thats something I can write about! Cant wait!

WEEKEND GOINGS-ON

WEEKEND GOINGS-ON

I know...I checked my calendar and it has been days since my last entry. Dont get me wrong, I was always online but I cant get my fingers to start typing about my happenings.

Well, here goes:


I am my vagina:


Now, does that catch your attention? For those waiting for a blow-by-blow account on what happened to my supposed blind date last Friday; sorry to disappoint you.

When a colleague mentioned that she will be watching The Vagina Monologues with her beau; I wanted to invite myself but I didnt want to be the third wheel. So when she suggested that they set me up with their guy friend, I jumped at the chance because I really wanted to see the play. So I wasnt that disappointed when they told me that something came up and my date just couldnt get away from his work. He missed his chance to meet me..so there! I was somehow relieved because watching "The Vagina Monologues" is not at all an ideal itinerary for a first date.

I enjoyed the show immensely! I laughed my heart out at several funny and quirky monologues about the southern region. It was called a lot of things and I must say my fave was "coochie snorcher". They also mentioned the different types of moaner…LOL! I really laughed the hardest during this piece. You really have to be there, to understand! It was simply the best! It was the first performance staged in the Republic of Malate. And of course I saw a lotta stars. I saw the owner Kuh Ledesma there. She eminates utter coolness. Astig sha, promise! I also saw Audie Gemora who was actually sitting behind me. Nice! And on the way out guess who I saw? Cherie Gil! A lot of people back in high school and college said I look like her. And my mom told me that when she was young, a lotta people commented that she looks like Rose Marie Gil – Cherie Gils mom! Mag-nanay nga kame! LOL!



HUWAT?!?! GEL na naman ako?!!


So there I was, minding my own business; working on a Sunday when my dear friend Spinster went online: I greeted him because it was his birthday - September 21. We went through our usual "how are you and stuff". He was feeling bad because he was supposed to be out but it got cancelled at the last minute so that left him cooped up in his apartment. He was feeling pathetic being alone on a Saturday night in NY!

Then suddenly the mood changed:

spinster says:

you know what...i suddenly have to urge to kiss you

spinster says:

do you mind?

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

hahahah! By all means, dear

spinster says:

seriously?

spinster says:

you made me feel a whole lot better. like you're the missing link in me? Can I really?

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

hahaha! para kang si jerry maguire!

spinster says:

lips to lips? Seriously?

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

lol! napatawa ako ng malakas dun ah!

spinster says:

you know, i've always felt like i can never find a girl i can spill me guts out to

spinster says:

hahaha...laugh all you want, you;re lucky i'm not there cuz if i was i'm sure as hell i'd do it

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

hahaha! well, i feel the same way. kaw lang guy na nasabihan ko ng kahit ano.

spinster says:

seriously now......i;m wetting my lips and i'mlooking at your pic on the messenger screen

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

lol! ano ba..nagba blush na tuloy ako!

spinster says:

i know you;'re not serious

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

i look sick laughing all by my sorry self! haha!

spinster says:

but i sure as hell really want it..riiiiiiiigght now

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

hahaha! well sorry ka na lang at nanjan ka! beh!

spinster says:

damn it! where's a 2 sec trans-atlantic flight when you need one

cLa!rE ForLaNi <> says:

lol! miss you, dear (smiley face)

spinster says:

my god...i do too...so much


Dont get me wrong; we are good friends, really. He was the first guy I was able to spill my guts out about almost anything and I mean anything. Too bad he had to move to NY to work. But we still keep in touch. Miss you, dude!



Of Car Crash and F1 racer wanna-be


It was just a 10-minute drive from our office to El Pueblo. It was supposed to be a sweet and short trip; but not for this chap. If you are riding inside his car, wearing a seatbelt is a definite requirement. I mean it. Oh, and maybe holding on for dear life could also help. It saved our lives that fateful afternoon. I see accidents like that one happening at night or early morning; when everyones drunk or just plain crazy. I guess this one was an exception.

Blame it on his watching countless F1 races. Blame it on his adrenaline-hungry persona. We were all weirded out but we ended up eating and drinking booze after the accident and interrogation.

Take lots of care, dude. You dont wanna die young, do you? So buckle up and drive safely. Get you car and yourself insured; you definitely need it.

BATA KA PA KASE

BATA KA PA KASE

Bata ka pa nga.
Ang dami mo pang hindi nararanasan. Ang dami mo pang hindi napapag daanan.

Naranasan mo na bang magmahal ng lubusan pero mauuwi lang sa wala dahil pinagpalit ka o sadyang hindi ka na mahal?
Naranasan mo na bang umibig ng tahimik? Na hindi nagsasabe ng nararamdaman dahil takot kang magbago ang lahat?
Naranasan mo na bang magmahal nguni’t kahit alam mong mahal ka din nya ay parang ayaw kayong pagtagpuin ng tadhana?
Naranasan mo na bang umibig ng todo kahit alam mong walang patutunguhan ito? Oo, tinatanong ko kung naranasan mo nang maging martir?
Ang dami ko pang tanong. Masasagot mo kaya yon?

Matalino ka. May pinag-aralan. Basta tungkol sa mga paksang makikita sa libro marunong ka.
Tanungin kaya kita tungkol sa pag-ibig, pagkabigo, buhay atbp. Makakasagot ka kaya?

Tama ako. Marami ka pang dapat matutunan.
Mararanasan mo pa lang yan ngayon. Ngayong lumalabas ka pa lang sa comfort zone mo.
Gugustuhin kaya kitang samahan? Gabayan? Hindi ko alam.
Ayoko naman maging una dahil ang gusto ko..ako ang huli.

Napag-daanan ko na kase iyan eh. Ang hinahanap ko ngayon yung malalim na pag-ibig.
Tapos na ako sa paglalaro. Tapos na ako sa paligoy-ligoy. Tapos na ako sa mga kasinungalingan tungkol sa kung ano talaga ang pag-ibig.
Pakiramdam ko nga ay matanda na ako dahil sa lahat ng napag-daan ko.

Tama nga ang sinabe ko sa sarili ko noon; na kapag hindi ko pinigilan ang sarili ako..mahuhulog at mahuhulog ako.
Wag naman sana masyadong malamin at baka hindi na ako makabangon.
Pag tinitignan kita ngayon, nakikita ko sa mga galaw mo na marami ka pang gusto marating at maranasan.

Hindi ata kita kayang hintayin.
Bata ka pa kase eh.



Author's note: Wala lang..la akong ibang masulat eh...

Not Self-Pity

Not Self-Pity

After reading Twins blog, it got me thinking; I do tend to wallow on my own digs not knowing that it’s slowly turning into a much bigger mess just because I made a big fuss about it. Whew..now that gave me a headache!

But I think that’s only normal. People tend to be sensitive to what is happening to them within a 5-10 feet radius. Beyond that, they couldnt /wouldnt care less.

It is how we respond to these issues that makes an individual unique. I can be loaded with all of the worlds problems but choose to smile and think lightly of it. I can also break into sobs and think of ending my life.

It is all a matter of looking into things. I am single and alone..but not totally alone. I am sad..but not all the time. I have friends and I know they cant always be there but I still love them. I have my family and I know they are not the best but they are blood so I love them. I have a job and it is not perfect but it keeps me stuffed so I acknowledge it.

I will try and stay afloat knowing that we are all battling our own demons.

It is how we end up becoming is whats important.


And no, I don't call that self-pity.

ISA AKONG GEL (BABAE)

ISA AKONG GEL (BABAE)

Sabe ng ka-opisina ko normal lang tong nararamdaman ko. Normal nga lang ba talaga na sa loob ng isang araw e bigla na lang susulpot ang mga ex ko. Mga dating ka-date..dating minahal..dating crush..lahat yan, sabay-sabay. Pwedeng mag-text sayo yung isa. Yung isa naman mag-IM sayo. Haaay…

Oo, mahaba na buhok ko pero ngayong araw na to, bigla atang umabot hanggang talampakan. LOL.

Ewan ko kung anong mararamdaman.


Yung isa first love ko. Hindi naging kame pero tatlong taon bago ako naka get over sa kanya. Puppy love ba? Ewan ko. High school pa kase yun eh. Yung tipong kahit di ko na nakikita eh mahal ko pa din. Minsan bigla yang tatawag sa bahay or magte text at mangangamusta. Minsan nagkikita kame sa simbahan. Minsan sumusulpot sila ng mga barkada nya kung san ako gumigimik ng gabing yon. Wala na. Wala ng attraction. Kaibigan na lang ang tingin ko sa kanya. Nasabe ko na nga na dati humaling na humaling ako sa kanya eh. So ibig sabihin nun over na talaga ako. Hehe!


Yung isa naman ka-date ko ng apat na buwan nung nag-umpisa ako dito sa trabaho. Dati sobrang gusto ko siya. Tuwing kasama ko parang gusto kong sunggaban. Pero sympre hindi ko nagawa yun. Ni halik di man lang ako naka-score. Hanggang sa nainip ko. Umiwas. Eto naming si lalake, na-weirduhan saken, lumayo na din. Pero ngayon nakakapag-usap na kame. Kwentuhan ng mga boylet ko at ka-date nya. Ok na kame. Sana mahanap na nya ang gel na mamahalin nya poreber en eber. Bow.


Yung isa naman naging crush ko noon. Matangkad, payat at kalbo. Yummy. Bumalik ang pagka gusto ko sa kanya nung minsang nag-out of town kameng magkaka-opisina. Lagi kameng magkasama nun. Parang kame. Tapos magkatabi pa kame sa bus pauwi. Dami naming napag-usapan. Daldal din pala nya. Katuwa. Sana nga hindi na natapos yun eh. Pero ewan ko. Mukhang hanggang mag-kaibigan lang kame. Pero pag nagte-text sha laging may smiling face. Pag may gimik, laging nakatabe sakin. Ewan ko. Baga biglang magbago ang ihip ng hangin. We’ll never know.

Ok sana eh..kaso yung gusto kong kumausap saken e napaka-manhid. Halata ngang gusto nya ako pero ewan ko. Lord, bahala na kayo sa kanya. Patamaan nyo sa kidlat or samting..baka matauhan.

Ewan ko ba. Ang weird talaga nitong araw na to. Parang feel na feel ko na isa akong GEL…as in totoong gel..bwahaha!

I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL

I DONT WANT TO BE NORMAL...

These are the reason why I dont want to be normal: I have to wake up early like regular people, I have to stand for how many minutes under the scorching sun just to get a ride like regular people. I hate it. I hate being normal. I like working at night. No traffic. No hassles. I get to sleep real late. But this is not the reason why I’m writing something here.

Before the weekend started, I was decided to just laze around the house and do absolutely nothing. Well, I would want to rekindle my fascinating relationship with our couch and TV set but alas, that didnt happen.

Saturday: After a supposed "short" breakfast at the Dome right after our shift, I found myself in Intramuros. Me, Party Momma and a couple of TS guys sidelined as a tour guide to three of our NA counterparts who were here for two weeks. It was fun. I found myself a tourist in my own country. I was ooh-ing and aaah-ing alongside the foreigners we were with. Shame on me! I enjoyed it but we were all pooped.


Sunday: Had dinner at Dampa. The place reminded me of Boracay minus the raucous attempt of the barkers to get customers. Daym, they were causing such a racket!! But I must say that the food was REALLY great. Yummy!

We then joined the rest of the crew at IO KTV. They were already grooving when we got there. The three NA counterparts who visited us comprised of a fag, a dike and a straight but already engaged cutie. We totally forgot to invite the fag to our little happening that night so I guess he spent his Sunday night jerking off or something. Hehe! The dike was really nice if not for her really piercing eyes. She has this habit of really looking into your eyes when shes talking to you. I mean, I dont have anything against it but thats what the others were saying about her. Shes cool like that. The engaged cutie was a revelation that night. He was singing like there is no tomorrow and when I took a closer look while he was singing a "popular" song perhaps during his time, he appeared to me like a retard trying to sing his ABCs. Haha! But he’s still a cutie so beat it!

Even the TS guys caused such a ruckus that night. One did a lopsided version of Frank Sinatras famous "My Way". One who can’t seem to get a hold of the mic coz no ones giving it to him for fear that he will literally bring the house down. twin and phoebe also showed their singing prowess that night. Although we really had to apologize to the engaged cutie because he got sick listening to "Stranded" being sung twice. He mentioned that if he get to listen to it for the third time, the title would have to be changed to "Strangled". Haha!

They finally decided to get our butts out of the place at around two in the morning. Thank God because I needed to be at work at 6am. Some of them even decided to go up to Antipolo for a "one for the road". I took a rain check and had Lopsided Sinatra bring me home. I was pooped and I still have to go to work.

So excuse me if I tend to not make any sense here. I only had two hours of sleep and try as I might, I couldnt catch even a wink here at my station. Its freezing and its making me sleepy. Im already wearing two jackets and my shades while trying to get some work done. You should see me..I really look awful today..Dang! All I wanna do is to wait for 3pm to strike and I'll be flying outta here!


And maybe tomorrow I will make sense already.

Never Alone

Never Alone...

The day she almost got her name listed as a missing person was the same day she almost got raped.

She was a freshman in college. She was young. She was naive. She was brokenhearted thus she was rebellious.
A girl shes not actually friends with invited her to a party. She was hesitant. She also remembered that she wanted to forget, so she consented.
The party started off well. She was introduced to a couple of guys. One of them she recognized as a batch mate in second high. He was cute. He was nice. He had a plan to get her drunk but she didnt know it then.
They then headed off to one of the guys place. She doesnt drink. She thought it is about time to learn it. Bad move.
Her head started to feel woozy. She had sudden fits. She was seeing things in slow motion. In other words, they got her drunk.
She wanted to go home. They wont allow it. Said shes drunk and her parents wont be too glad to see her state. She complied. Bad move.
They told her to take a nap. She started towards one of the rooms. She didnt know that the cute-guy was following her. She was almost inside and wanted to close the door but couldnt. Something was stuck. She looked and saw the guy standing closely behind her. Her world was moving real slow. Her reflex was really poor. She let the guy close the door. Bad move.

She started towards the bed and the moment she landed, the guy went on top of her and started kissing her. She wanted to stand up and ward him off. She wanted to tell him to stop but only mumbles and groans came out. She started to feel his hands all over her. "No!" She tried to stand up but he pulled her back. He started to unzip his pants and let lil Johnny out. She tried to stand up but he pulled her back. She was starting to see stars. She was ready to pass out. She mumbled something that sounded like a prayer.

The door suddenly flew open.

She wasnt able to remember how her dad knew the place but he was able to pick her up. Must be an angel who told him. Divine Intervention, I must say.

She never told anyone what happened. She never saw or even talked to the girl or any of the guys who were at the party. She was never the same again.

She found herself slinking away from everyone. Her parents. Her friends. She wasnt telling anyone. She kept it within herself. She was ashamed. She thought no one would understand or take her as she is.

Fast forward to today: Why was she suddenly speaking up? Because she found out shes not alone. She heard something similar happened to a friend. Much worse, because that friend really got raped. The guy succeeded.

She felt sorry for the girl. But she knows that everythings okay now. Shes finally coming out in the open. The world awaits her. She has friends who understand. She has a family that will always be there. Shes finally complete. And she can regard what happened as a part of her past. She is definitely stronger now.

At least she still doesnt have any police record.



Note:
Be safe, dearies. Keep an open mind. Know your worth. Dont let this type of shit happen to you.

ANO PA NGA BA?!

ANO PA NGA BA?!



Im semi-okay now. Im beginning to smile and even crack jokes at the office. Thanks to my real friends. Some were comforting. Some were downright annoying. I even caught one walking by my station trying to really see if I WA crying or something. I almost wished a force field could just show up and hide me from the world. I wanted to be left alone yesterday and that only happened when I was already at the confines of my room.

Some of them had enough courage to ask me how I am doing today and I said I am good. But I know that it is not the same anymore. My trust has been altered. I didnt want it to happen but it did. And harm has been done. You know this certain thing, that if done to you will surely tick you off? A certain fear that if it came true..it’ll bring out the worst in you? The accident may seem petty to others but to me it was a crossing of boundaries..between professionalism and friendship. And I dont think I would like to explain why I got pissed. Im not positive itll be understood.

Nuff said.

----

I like what I am seeing.
I like what Im feeling.
Could it not stop?
Could the feeling not go away?


I want to see more consistency on your part.
Are you willing to do that for me?
I need to know, dear.
I need to know how you feel.

----

Badtrip. We’re supposed to have a meeting. Socials Committee. We were supposed to talk about the upcoming newsletter and other event. I was supposed to talk to our cute American client. Hes a cutie. Mukhang baby. But the others were right..I had a hard time understanding what was coming out of his mouth. Maybe it will help if I stick my tongue inside. Ewww…gross! Lol!

Oh, I wasnt able to attend the meeting. I bounced at the strike of 6. My killer shoes were needed at home. Apparently, my sister has an office party to attend and she was picked as one of the models for some hoopla! Huwaw…is dat my seester?!? Kebago bago, nagkakalat! Haha! But I have to admit..Im a proud ate! Woohoo!

----

A LETTER TO THE WIND

A LETTER TO THE WIND


Can l blow a kiss towards you?

Can you make sure that it reaches this person?

This person I greatly care about?



Can I spread my arms as if I am hugging you?

Can you make sure that it reaches this person?

This person I wanted so much to comfort?



Can I talk to you?

Can you make sure that it gets to this person?

This person I wanted so much to talk with?



Will you do that for me, wind?

Can you let this person know how much I care?



Ill shut up for now.

Ill be closing my window..

And hope that tomorrow you will bring me some good news.

~ I JUST DO ~

~ I JUST DO ~



I dont know what Im feeling.

I was okay awhile ago.

Until now.



I am happy for him.

I really am.

I know he is a loving husband.

I know he is a blissfully contented father.

I am glad he is happy.

I really am.



It is just that I suddenly missed him.

I missed his smile.

I missed his laugh.

I missed feeling appreciated.

I missed being on top of the world.



Maybe it is because I envy him.

I envy his happiness.

He found a home.

A wife that loves him.

A kid that adores him.

What we had was short-lived.

But that brief moment was heaven for me.



I have moved on.

I already did.

We are good friends now.

And missing him does not mean I am bitter.

In fact I wish him happiness.

I wish him all the happiness in the world.


I just miss him. End of story.


Note: I have written this last Friday morning. I just didnt publish it for fear that the guy I like right now might misinterpret what it means.

But this is a free country. I like him. And if he doesnt get that this post is merely stating what I was feeling at that moment, then hes not worth it.

WEEKEND RAMBLINGS

WEEKEND RAMBLINGS

Achoo! *sniff *

I have the sniffles for the nth time. Maybe I should have an allergy test or something. To find out if Im allergic to people or things. Haha! Hmmm..

------

A couple of colleagues and I organized a surprise party for Syke

. Actually, her guy thought of it but asked for our help. It was nice. We got a room in Discovery Suites

and we invited some of her college friends and people from the office. I have slept at several hotels here in Manila and I must say that Discovery is homier. =)
It was a success although she admitted that she heard bits and pieces of the supposed ‘surprise’ party from people who couldn’t seem to keep their mouth shut. O well, she got semi-surprised so I think it’s a success in itself.


I’m thinking..when will someone (a boyfriend or a friend’ll do) put up a surprise party for my birthday? Wishful thinking!
Whatever!

--------

Continuation: When I woke up at the hotel room (a couple of hours before the party), my finger started to itch. I miss my computer. I miss typing some random blah’s and posting them on my site. Geesh, I’ve really become a certified blog addict!

I’m glad ‘coz I’m not alone. Almost all the oldies in the office have their personal blog site so I know I’m not alone.

Hurray for BLOGGING!

My friend Deej and I are even planning on getting our own PDA’s so we can still blog while on the road or something.

Oo, addict na po kung addict!!

---------

But on a serious note:

I think blogging is good. Heck, I consider it as my Savior! (I was exaggerating, but you do get my point)

It has become my getaway; my journal, my friend;

A venue where I can roam free and blog my feelings away.

I can write about anything I want.

It’s considered as a break in our office. Before it was only ‘yosi’ break. We’d be burnt out from all the stress and would just want to run downstairs and lit a stick but now it’s different. We see our break as a means to finally go inside our ‘secret’ world.

Blogging is good for your health. I mean it. *wink*

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Nagsimula sa akin.

Harmless na tanong lang pero ang daming sumagot. Anjan na si Enigma tapos sumagot din si Deejay. Kakaaliw tignan ang sagot ng mga lalake.



Whew! Ang daming sumagot! Ang dami ding nag-react! Nalaman ba naming mga babae ang sagot? Uhm..mejo.



Eto naman si Promil Kid at binara ang sagot ng mga lalake. Man-hater? Di naman.



Battle of the Sexes na ito mga kaibigan! Pero huweyt! Sasagutin ko muna ang tanong ni Enigma:



-Bakit ang mga babae sa panglabas na kaanyuan tumitingin? Aminin man ninyo o hindi iyon ang una ninyong nakikita sa lalaki.
Hindi lahat ng mga babae. Sympre sa una maa-attract kame sa matangkad. Pero kung mabaho naman ang hininga e dibale na lang! Kanya-kanyang perspective lang yan mga tsong..

-Bakit gustong gusto ninyo sa taong sa tingin ninyo ay perpekto para sa inyo at hindi ninyo binibigyan ng pagkakataon ang isang taong handang ibigin kayo ng buong buo?
Alam naming mga babae na tayo ay hindi perpekto. Ang lalakeng mahal namen ay nagiging perpekto sa aming paningin dahil pilit naming isinasang tabi ang mga flaws nya. GetS?!

-Bakit pag may lalaking nagsabi na may nararamdaman siya para sa inyo ay lumalayo kayo pag hindi ninyo siya type?
Natural?!!? Anong gusto mong gawin namen? Makipag plastikan?!

Pero serious na..may mga babae na kayang makipag kaibigan sa lalakeng nagtapat sa kanila ng pag-ibig nguni’t hindi naman nila gusto.

Meron naming hindi kaya iyon at lumalayo.

Swertihan lang yan.

-Bakit pag ang lalaki nagbigay sa inyo ng bulaklak at hindi ninyo siya type tinatapon nyo lang? Pero pag gusto ninyo yung rosas iniipit nyo pa siya sa libro bago malanta.
Sinong nagsabe sayong tinatapon namen yun? Pinamimigay naman! Hahah!

Pero iba kase pag ang lalakeng gusto namen ang nagbigay.

But don’t get us wrong. We appreciate na binibigyan kame ng bulaklak ng lalake kahit di namen sila gusto. Depende na siguro sa babae un kung anong gagawin nya sa bulaklak pagkatapos.

-Bakit pagmahal nyo na isang tao na nanliligaw sa inyo pinapatagal nyo pa? Paano ba nyo ba nalalaman na mahal ninyo ang isang lalaki?

Ako hindi ah! Sinasabe ko.

Pano namen nalalaman na mahal na namen ang lalaki? Mahirap I-explain yun..mahirap arukin. When it’s there…we just know.

-Bakit kailangan nyo pa tinatanong ang isang lalaki kung nanliligaw siya? Di ba “action speaks louder than voice”?
Natural! Mahirap mag-assume dahil nakakamatay yun!

Mas mabuti nang alam namen ang totoo kesa magpantasya kame at bigla na lang madapa isang araw. Baka ma-inlab pa kame e prends lang pala ang tingin ng lalake…patayan na ito kung ganun!

Kahit simpleng ‘I like you’ lang ok na siguro yun para ma-gets na namen.

-Bakit nambabasted kayo agad eh hindi pa ninyo gaanong kilala yung tao?
Depende nga iyan. Ako pag di ko gusto, sinasabe ko na kagad eh.

If he wants to stay friends, e di kebs. Malay naten ma-develop.

-At higit sa lahat, bakit MANHID kayo pag sinusuyo kayo ng lalaking hindi nyo naman gusto?
E baka naman hindi namen alam na gusto pala kame?

Mahirap talaga arukin ang iniisip mapa-babae o mapa-lalake. Kaya nga we're an interesting species eh! Hahaha!

Pero one thing's fer sure..We gals love to hate men!

BAKIT GANYAN KAYONG MGA LALAKE?

It was raining cats and dogs when I went home after my shift. A guy friend thoughtfully reminded me to take his jacket so I wont get soaked. How sweet. And then I thought: If I could only hear that thoughtfulness from someone I really like..Haaay.

Can t I just be thankful that I have really good friends? No! I am so tired of being alone as what John Mayer would say.

*spank * Snap out of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sa totoo lang, pano ba mag-isip ang mga lalake? Gusto nameng mga babae malaman kung ano ang meron jan sa tila hindi mawaring pag-iisip nyo..



1. Kung may gusto ba kayo sa isang babae e lagi nyo shang iniisip? As in, laging laman ng puso at isipan nyo?

2. Magkakaron ba kayo ng lakas upang masabe ang inyong nararamdaman? O tatayo na lang kayo sa isang tabe at tatameme?

3. Kung mejo nararamdaman nyo na gusto na din kayo ng babae, aatake na ba kayo o mawawalan na ng interes at hahanap na ng ibang babae?

4. At kapag naging kayo na nung babae, bakit hindi na kayo nagiging sweet? Dahil ba nakuha nyo na ang babae at wala ng challenge?

5. Meron pa rin bang torpe sa mundo? Kala namen patay na eh!

6. Mafa-flatter ba kayo pag ang babae ang nag-aya sa inyong lumabas? O mate-turn off kayo?

7. Bakit ang duwag ng mga lalake kapag gusto na nila bumitaw sa isang relasyon? Tipong hihintayin pa nilang makahalata ang babae…Tsk..tsk.

8. Bakit gusto nyong makapangasawa ng virgin e kayo hindi na?!

9. Bakit ang rason minsan sa pagbe break ay ang letseng SPACE na yan?!

10. Totoo bang hindi kaya ng mga lalakeng maging loyal sa kanilang asawa o gelpren?

11. Bakit ang ibang lalake ay takot sa commitment? Nangangain ba kame?

12. At bakit kahit wala kayong gelpren e may mga ‘meantime’ gels kayo? Bakit di na lang kayo mag-tyaga sa kung sinong mahal nyo?

13. Bakit ba nauso pa ang pakikipag-usap sa mga ex? Kahit na tipong pinagseselosan na ang gelpren nyo?

14. Bakit ba ganyan kayong mga lalake?!?



Alam na namen ang kasagutan sa ibang mga tanong. Pero mas okay siguro kung malalaman namen ang isasagot ng mga lalake..Hmmm..

Nasan nga ba ako kahapon?

NASAN NGA BA AKO KAHAPON?

Good thing I didnt stay cooped up at home yesterday.

After spending the day at the office when it s my off, I almost resigned myself to just admit defeat and go home. Well, I m glad I didn t. One of my college buds invited me for coffee. Well, I was the one who actually texted them to have dinner or coffee. I wasn t in the mood to meet them but I reckoned.

Again, it ended surprisingly well. I met up with Angelu at Powerbooks at Mega then headed off to Atchie’s at the 6F of Orient Square. Dont ask me. Preacher convinced us to eat there, so we complied. I almost walked out when the building s guard asked for our Ids. ‘Manong, we dont work here. We re just gonna friggin eat!’ O well, bigay ng ID para matahimik.

I got weirded out. The place was like a resto-bar that probably sidelines as a canteen during the day. Angelu and I walked carefully towards a table and sat there looking around for a couple of minutes not saying anything. Then we blurted out, ‘Asan na si Preacher?! Tera, patayin na naten!’ We didnt like the place; we would rather walk back to the Podium and eat dinner there. O well, andun na kame so game! Model showed up after 20 minutes and walking behind her were two gorgeous and did I say gorgeous model friends?! I almost wished I wore something hot or at least presentable than a tee and my trusty old jeans. Dang! Turned out they all came from a screening and the two guys invited themselves to our little get-together. The Jet guy looked familiar. I prolly saw his face plastered in some billboard in Edsa or something. And I think he had a short stint in one of GMA’s weekly show. Jonel was H-O-T. He had this Oriental look and I blurted out how menacing his piercing look was. Parang mangangain! NGARRR! They turned out to be really fun guys. Kulitan lang to the max. Parang ang tagal na nameng magkakakilala. But good things were not meant to last. They had to blast. They even told us about this serious matter they had to attend to. Mukhang serious nga so sige na nga, bye for now! Pa-kiss muna bago kayo umalis! Lol.

Then there were three: Angelu, Model and moi. Preacher talked us into drinking this F4 concoction. She kept saying the F4-word and I kept expecting four cute chinito guys to walk towards our table but of course, it turned out to be some kind of a shot. Dang! After that, she had to excuse herself because she still has a meeting at the 25th Floor. We all started to talk about our day. I wasnt ready to air my dilemma with them but I guess after three glasses of kurrant 7 and a shot of F4, my tongue started to have a mind of it s own. Turned out Model and I have the same issue at home. Angelu has just broken up with her good-for-nothing boyfriend for three weeks now and is having a hard time keeping a straight face at work. We told her to just quit her job and work elsewhere because it is definitely not doing her any good. Model started to belt her ‘I-have-been-there-so-listen-to-me’ speeches. I have nothing against it. But I know Angelu already has had enough sermons and I believe she already knows what to do. All that’s needed right now is for her to finally stand up for herself.

Enchantress showed up after an hour. She gained a couple of pounds but that never stopped guys and girls alike to stop and stare at her. She’s still a stunner. We ordered some more food then decided to stop by the Holiday Inn (Galleria Suites before) to say hi to some friends. I noticed that Angelu was starting to go inside her shell again so I called it a night for the both of us.

The evening turned out real well. Way better than what I've expected. And Im proud that Im still very much in touch with them. We have finally transcended from just being college buds to becoming friends for life. Thats one thing I am sooo thankful for.

Sesame St. & Melrose Place - Season Ender

I do two things during my off; I either go out with friends and stay out all night, or laze at home, lock myself up in my room and sleep. This week, I did the latter.


It’s my off today but I’m at the office. Hmm.. The peeps here at work wanted to know why I’m spending my valuable off at the office. I told them I didn’t want to stay at home.


Why? Why the hell not?!


I feel bad at home. I don’t like to see my ‘rents. I feel that every ounce of respect I have for them is slipping away every time I see them at home. But I’m sorry because I’m just not ready to write it down here. I tried, but I ended up crying so I guess I’ll drop the topic for the meantime.


Let’s just talk about something else.


A friend mentioned that it’ll be his second year with our company. Well, it’ll also be my second year in a few months’ time. And he’s right..it got me thinking.


In as much as I would like to move on and venture to some greener pastures, I can’t help but look back and realize how I owe a lotta things to the company. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was really at a lowest point in my life and when I finally landed a job here; it was my first step to finally recover and to gain what I have lost. Nemo was with me all through out that experience. At that time I didn’t know that she would be my best bud. Love you, bes.


Working for this company and with these people did wonders for me. The tiny bite size pieces that were my heart and my self-esteem were slowly brought back to its original form. And I gained a lot more.


I love my colleagues. The group is my second family. But like any good movie, it’s already nearing the end of the plot. And try as we might to hold it back and to keep it going..it’ll have to come to an end soon as any good movie does. The closing credits will then show how each of us would end up. Some of us will get married. Some will work abroad. Some will move to a different company. Some will resign and just bum around. Some will stay with the company and see a whole new batch replace the old one.


It’s a normal process. It happens inside a lot of companies. I guess the only difference is that we bonded more than just office mates..we bonded as a family. And to part ways is one sad truth I'm just not ready to accept.


I love you guys!


'Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon'