Happpy New Year!

A couple more hours and 2006 will usher it's way into our lives.

A lot has happened this year..a lot of stuff that forced me to grow up into what I am now.
I feel loved more than ever..by my Cujo, my bestfriend, other close friends..and my family (although they don't show it)..

I know there are a lot of things I'm raring to start doing once the new year starts but there are also stuff that I want to be thankful for:

-my Cujo. It all started with our nightly yosi breaks..Friday movie dates..and now we're onto our 10th month and we're sure as hell still crazy for each other. I love you bigtime!

-my Bes. She has always been with me..through thick or thin..I'm thankful that she's happy and settled now.

-my close friends. For sporadically coming to my rescue whenever I need a good old heave-ho.

-my family. For molding me into the kind of person I am today. I may have to learn and acknowledge their twisted way of appreciating me but nevertheless..their my family..so there.

-the Bitch. You may or may not have deserved what's happening to you right now. I won't be the judge of that. But I am thankful because if you did not fail as a partner and as a person, I would not have learned to love the man I'm with now. I just wish that you pick up whatever's left of you and start building a life of your own. Being embittered will only leave you a sorrier loser than what you are now. Don't try to be friends with me because we never can be one.


To everything that happened in 2005..good..bad..sweet..tragic..traumatic..unforgettable..
adds up to the person I've become..

I welcome 2006 with trepidation and anticipation..because anything can happen.


Will it be a good year for me? I don't know..but I'll find out soon.



Happy New Year everyone!

There are some things in life that I deem undefinable...

stuff that no matter how many hours/days I spend pondering,

would still leave me baffled and stumped.

For all the stuff I still can't fathom..

For all the lessons I have yet to uncover..

For all the growing up I have yet to experience..

thanks for always holding my hand

and never letting go.

Christmas na ba?

Ows, lapit na?

Talaga?

Di ko feel eh. Sorry.

(da bitch stole my Christmas eh)

Where to?

the unexpected and the most dreadful thing ever imaginable finally happened last week.

It blew us off.
It blew everyone we know off.

I don't know what's going to happen now..
I try and pretend to function normally while all this is unfolding..
but I can't pretend all the time.
I feel my feet buckling and my one wish is for the ground to finally open and swallow me up.

I love you to death..but I no longer know where to go from here.
She's the only one holding on. Your family has finally accepted the fact. I guess my family does too.

How can we finally tell her that there's no way anyone can break us up?
Do we gag and bag her then send her to some distant place?
How I want her to disappear so we can get on with our lives.
I know i sound heartless but for her to fight for a union that is no longer there is futile.
Might as well pack the dignity I'm not sure she still has and leave.

I may be judged by posting this one but I don't know where to turn to anymore.
Close friends can only give enough support and encouragement that we will get through this..
but I really don't know what tomorrow will bring us.

Ask me if i want this nightmare to end and I'll say yes.
Ask me if i want to let go of the man I love dearly and I'll say no.
Ask me if i know where i'm going with all this; I'll shake my head and say no.