-->Why do I feel as if I'm racing against time?
-->Have I been alone for the longest time?
-->Why do I cringe and turn green with envy everytime I see the men I have liked and loved happy with their respective wives and lovers?
-->Am I that evil for the reason that I don't rejoice on their good tidings rather I feel as if life is playing a sick joke on me?
-->Why can't I keep a straight face amongst all these trouble?
-->Am I cursed to be bitter forever?
-->Am I not deserving to experience bliss and contentment with a man who can claim me as his?
-->Have I not done anything good or great that would merit a good karma?
-->Will I have to wilt and die before I reap what I deserve?
-->Do I have to exert more effort just for things to go the way I want them to?
-->Or do I have to again let the tide wash me to some unknown territory just so I could start over?
-->Could I be more pathetic or can anyone just shoot me?
Monday, May 31
Sunday, May 30
When my heart staged a protest rally...
I'm on board a colossal rollercoaster. It was going faster and faster by the minute when I heard something snap and I suddenly feel myself being thrown from my seat..slicing the air around me and hearing a loud 'thud' as my body came in contact with the ground...
and then silence..
Something to describe what I'm feeling today.
It's as if everything I saw and experienced these last few days were all blurry. Everyone was always doing something so I joined in until I found myself alone in the office save for one co-worker and a friendly guardian outside.
*sighs
I realized that I'm no longer used to being alone because it would mean I have a lot of time to hear what my 'barely beating' heart has to say. I don't know why I'm suddenly terrified of confronting myself. Maybe I'll learn about some of the dumb and nonsensical stuff I've been doing that made me put my heart in the backseat. I know I have to do some apologizing for having my mind work on overtime.
I'm guilty so sue me!
++++++
Sometimes it's easier to fall into your everyday routine then to step aside and assess your life.
It's scarier I think. Call me a coward but I just don't want to think about the things I need to do with my life. I miss the carefree me. I miss her so much.
++++++
This is what I get for spending the weekend at work. I really hate this schedule. Maybe I really need to move on. A change is required, I guess.
*head hurts
See...I'm thinking too much again.
*bangs head
C'mon, stop it! Just go home, read a book then sleep.
Maybe this time it'll be a dreamless sleep.
++++++
and then silence..
Something to describe what I'm feeling today.
It's as if everything I saw and experienced these last few days were all blurry. Everyone was always doing something so I joined in until I found myself alone in the office save for one co-worker and a friendly guardian outside.
*sighs
I realized that I'm no longer used to being alone because it would mean I have a lot of time to hear what my 'barely beating' heart has to say. I don't know why I'm suddenly terrified of confronting myself. Maybe I'll learn about some of the dumb and nonsensical stuff I've been doing that made me put my heart in the backseat. I know I have to do some apologizing for having my mind work on overtime.
I'm guilty so sue me!
++++++
Sometimes it's easier to fall into your everyday routine then to step aside and assess your life.
It's scarier I think. Call me a coward but I just don't want to think about the things I need to do with my life. I miss the carefree me. I miss her so much.
++++++
This is what I get for spending the weekend at work. I really hate this schedule. Maybe I really need to move on. A change is required, I guess.
*head hurts
See...I'm thinking too much again.
*bangs head
C'mon, stop it! Just go home, read a book then sleep.
Maybe this time it'll be a dreamless sleep.
++++++
Saturday, May 29
Utterly Wicked
I now know the feeling...
I went to work tonight with a heavy heart. It's the second time I'll be missing the yearly team outing of our property. I almost had the logo 'LOSER' tattooed on my face. Bummer!
*sighs
I guess I'll just wait til Monday to see their pictures. Oh..I forgot that some of them will be sending me multimedia messages while they're in La Union. Yeah..so I'll know how much fun they're having while I'm stuck here at the office.
They could be so cruel sometimes! *sniffs
========================================
I don't know about you guys but I have been seeing Sef Gonzales' face all over the news these last few days and it's only when a colleague forwarded an email detailing the whole story behind his crime that I found out what he really did...
Note: The email going around tells a longer story about this one but I found it too long if I paste it here so I guess this article from INQ7 will do.
Sef Gonzales found
guilty of killing family
Posted: 2:30 AM (Manila Time) | May 21, 2004
Agence France-Presse
SYDNEY -- A Filipino-born student was found guilty Thursday of murdering his parents and sister at the family home in Sydney following a six-week trial.
A jury found 23-year-old Sef Gonzales guilty of the stabbing murders of his parents Teddy and Mary Loiva, and 18-year-old sister Clodine in July 2001.
Prosecutors told the court Gonzales resented his parents' strict discipline and their disapproval of his girlfriend, fearing he would be disinherited from their 1.5 million dollar (1.03 million US) estate.
"Feeling his life unraveling, Sef set in train a plan to murder his parents and his sister," crown prosecutor Mark Tedeschi said.
He said Gonzales tried to poison his family two weeks before the murders with lethal plant seeds ordered over the Internet
When the plan failed, he stabbed his mother, father and sister to death over a three-hour period in the family home, lying through the evening in wait as each returned home separately.
Police said Gonzales claimed he had seen an intruder fleeing his home but a forensic search found no trace of a trail.
They also said that to divert attention from himself, Gonzales daubed racist graffiti saying "f--- off Asians" on the kitchen wall in spray paint, traces of which were found on his jumper.
When police seized Gonzales's computer they had found references to Internet sites such as "how to kill" and "white man killer". There was also a container of poison in his bedroom.
Gonzales pleaded not guilty, initially claiming he was dining with friends then claiming he was at a brothel at the time of the murders.
However, investigators found the prostitute he claimed to be with was not working on the day in question.
The jury took about five hours to reach its verdict and one of Gonzales' aunts watching from the public gallery mouthed the words "thank you" to the media it was read to the court.
Gonzales will be sentenced in August.
The complete article really gave me goosebumps...I didn't know someone who looks that innocent and harmless can do something so..so utterly wicked.
That's why it's better to have a person who is clearly crazy than someone who is so nice that it's too good to be true.
=========================================
'Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.'
-Margaret Young
I went to work tonight with a heavy heart. It's the second time I'll be missing the yearly team outing of our property. I almost had the logo 'LOSER' tattooed on my face. Bummer!
*sighs
I guess I'll just wait til Monday to see their pictures. Oh..I forgot that some of them will be sending me multimedia messages while they're in La Union. Yeah..so I'll know how much fun they're having while I'm stuck here at the office.
They could be so cruel sometimes! *sniffs
========================================
I don't know about you guys but I have been seeing Sef Gonzales' face all over the news these last few days and it's only when a colleague forwarded an email detailing the whole story behind his crime that I found out what he really did...
Note: The email going around tells a longer story about this one but I found it too long if I paste it here so I guess this article from INQ7 will do.
Sef Gonzales found
guilty of killing family
Posted: 2:30 AM (Manila Time) | May 21, 2004
Agence France-Presse
SYDNEY -- A Filipino-born student was found guilty Thursday of murdering his parents and sister at the family home in Sydney following a six-week trial.
A jury found 23-year-old Sef Gonzales guilty of the stabbing murders of his parents Teddy and Mary Loiva, and 18-year-old sister Clodine in July 2001.
Prosecutors told the court Gonzales resented his parents' strict discipline and their disapproval of his girlfriend, fearing he would be disinherited from their 1.5 million dollar (1.03 million US) estate.
"Feeling his life unraveling, Sef set in train a plan to murder his parents and his sister," crown prosecutor Mark Tedeschi said.
He said Gonzales tried to poison his family two weeks before the murders with lethal plant seeds ordered over the Internet
When the plan failed, he stabbed his mother, father and sister to death over a three-hour period in the family home, lying through the evening in wait as each returned home separately.
Police said Gonzales claimed he had seen an intruder fleeing his home but a forensic search found no trace of a trail.
They also said that to divert attention from himself, Gonzales daubed racist graffiti saying "f--- off Asians" on the kitchen wall in spray paint, traces of which were found on his jumper.
When police seized Gonzales's computer they had found references to Internet sites such as "how to kill" and "white man killer". There was also a container of poison in his bedroom.
Gonzales pleaded not guilty, initially claiming he was dining with friends then claiming he was at a brothel at the time of the murders.
However, investigators found the prostitute he claimed to be with was not working on the day in question.
The jury took about five hours to reach its verdict and one of Gonzales' aunts watching from the public gallery mouthed the words "thank you" to the media it was read to the court.
Gonzales will be sentenced in August.
The complete article really gave me goosebumps...I didn't know someone who looks that innocent and harmless can do something so..so utterly wicked.
That's why it's better to have a person who is clearly crazy than someone who is so nice that it's too good to be true.
=========================================
'Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.'
-Margaret Young
Friday, May 28
On Apples and Goodbyes...
I got this from Hundun's blog...I liked it so much that's why I'm posting it here...
Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......
So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along - the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Share this with other women who are good apples - even those who have already been picked!
And remember ...
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Para sa mga bitter! Hahaha!
=========================================
I got an unexpected letter from a friend here at work...
I was surprised coz our friendship has come a long way from having a few prejudgments to being the 'Tom and Jerry' (in a fun way) here at the office. I remember when she was still a newbie..it was actually with her ex boyfriend that I was really chums with.
I didn't like her at first so who would've thought that that spat between her and my guy friend would draw us closer to each other.
We call each other names. I call her 'bulilit' and she calls me 'bitch'. I can say that we compliment each other for as I am the epitome of being an eldest sib, she's that of the youngest. When I'm grouchy, she would always come over and make 'kulit'. When I'm acting like an eldest sib..she plays her role as the youngest and vice versa. We can both be immature and mature at the same time. We call ourselves 'weird' and we're proud of it!
She told me how she regards me as one of her closest friend here at work and I'm honored. I'll miss her if she goes.
I guess I'll do what she and everyone else has been telling me to do...fix my passport.
I will miss you too, dear. It's always fun when you're around. I understand that people have to move on somehow. That is one fact in life that I really loathe. I really hate 'goodbyes'. Damn!
Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......
So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along - the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Share this with other women who are good apples - even those who have already been picked!
And remember ...
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Para sa mga bitter! Hahaha!
=========================================
I got an unexpected letter from a friend here at work...
I was surprised coz our friendship has come a long way from having a few prejudgments to being the 'Tom and Jerry' (in a fun way) here at the office. I remember when she was still a newbie..it was actually with her ex boyfriend that I was really chums with.
I didn't like her at first so who would've thought that that spat between her and my guy friend would draw us closer to each other.
We call each other names. I call her 'bulilit' and she calls me 'bitch'. I can say that we compliment each other for as I am the epitome of being an eldest sib, she's that of the youngest. When I'm grouchy, she would always come over and make 'kulit'. When I'm acting like an eldest sib..she plays her role as the youngest and vice versa. We can both be immature and mature at the same time. We call ourselves 'weird' and we're proud of it!
She told me how she regards me as one of her closest friend here at work and I'm honored. I'll miss her if she goes.
I guess I'll do what she and everyone else has been telling me to do...fix my passport.
I will miss you too, dear. It's always fun when you're around. I understand that people have to move on somehow. That is one fact in life that I really loathe. I really hate 'goodbyes'. Damn!
Thursday, May 27
Emotionally Disoriented Me
Current mood: Contemplative
Current music: Twist of Marley
I finished reading 'Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas' by James Patterson over the weekend and it left me wanting to have my own baby. Hah!
Aside from common reasons for wanting to have a kid...I want to have one so I can have someone to write a diary for. I dunno..my mind's not its usual self today so please don't mind my ranting.
Then I suddenly thought of some stuff that I will do once I have my own kid ..things that wasn't actually done to me or my sibs by our mom. I realized my mom didn't really take care of us..well..maybe I'm talking about the personal level. My parents were able to provide for us: food, clothing, shelter. They were able to send me to school and to make me graduate. But that's basically it. I can't talk to them about personal stuff.
When I was born, it was my uncle who took care of me. My mom hurriedly went back to work. I don't blame my 'rents for making sure that we were well provided for but I think they lacked big time in being an all-hands guide for their kids.
I won't be like my mom. I'll try to be more than my mom.
*sighs
=====================================
Emotionally Disoriented...
I can say that I hardly recognize myself nowadays..it's like i'm just drifting from work, home, gimiks with friends and I know deep inside that I'm not a willing participant to anything that's happening to me right now.
My trip to Boracay had an even greater effect on me than I expected. Some of it had something to do with how I now view my life..my relationship with myself, family,colleagues and friends.
Or maybe I'm just making all these up. I sometimes wish I'm living off some character in one of the books I've read. It would be easier 'coz my life and what will happen to me will all depend on what the author wants.
I try to drown my thoughts by reading and listening to music as much as I can. Idle moments would mean I get to face my self and I know I can't handle it right now.
====================================
Oh..and this just got in...
my friend who's in the US is goin to get married this Friday!
I just got a text from our other friend about the news and it really came as a surprise to all of us. OMG!!!
We all thought she'll be the last one to get married coz she was the most immature gal from our group. I guess she changed big time when she met her guy.
Twin was right..we're now entering a stage where everyone around us is getting settled.
Daym! I'm so happy for my friend but I feel sad for the rest of us... *sniffs
Everyone's getting what they want after making major changes and decisions...does that mean I have to do the same thing first before something good will happen to me?
Nooooooo!!!!! Get me outta here...I'm going crazy!!!
Current music: Twist of Marley
I finished reading 'Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas' by James Patterson over the weekend and it left me wanting to have my own baby. Hah!
Aside from common reasons for wanting to have a kid...I want to have one so I can have someone to write a diary for. I dunno..my mind's not its usual self today so please don't mind my ranting.
Then I suddenly thought of some stuff that I will do once I have my own kid ..things that wasn't actually done to me or my sibs by our mom. I realized my mom didn't really take care of us..well..maybe I'm talking about the personal level. My parents were able to provide for us: food, clothing, shelter. They were able to send me to school and to make me graduate. But that's basically it. I can't talk to them about personal stuff.
When I was born, it was my uncle who took care of me. My mom hurriedly went back to work. I don't blame my 'rents for making sure that we were well provided for but I think they lacked big time in being an all-hands guide for their kids.
I won't be like my mom. I'll try to be more than my mom.
*sighs
=====================================
Emotionally Disoriented...
I can say that I hardly recognize myself nowadays..it's like i'm just drifting from work, home, gimiks with friends and I know deep inside that I'm not a willing participant to anything that's happening to me right now.
My trip to Boracay had an even greater effect on me than I expected. Some of it had something to do with how I now view my life..my relationship with myself, family,colleagues and friends.
Or maybe I'm just making all these up. I sometimes wish I'm living off some character in one of the books I've read. It would be easier 'coz my life and what will happen to me will all depend on what the author wants.
I try to drown my thoughts by reading and listening to music as much as I can. Idle moments would mean I get to face my self and I know I can't handle it right now.
====================================
Oh..and this just got in...
my friend who's in the US is goin to get married this Friday!
I just got a text from our other friend about the news and it really came as a surprise to all of us. OMG!!!
We all thought she'll be the last one to get married coz she was the most immature gal from our group. I guess she changed big time when she met her guy.
Twin was right..we're now entering a stage where everyone around us is getting settled.
Daym! I'm so happy for my friend but I feel sad for the rest of us... *sniffs
Everyone's getting what they want after making major changes and decisions...does that mean I have to do the same thing first before something good will happen to me?
Nooooooo!!!!! Get me outta here...I'm going crazy!!!
Monday, May 24
Updates!
I'm back from Boracay..
Actually, we arrived in Manila last Tuesday and I got sick so I only get to update my blog today since it's my off.
Well..what can I say about my trip to Boracay...hmmm...it was fun mainly because of the people I was with. We had a blast although the sun rarely showed it's hide during our stay there. We all managed to get drunk so I think we met our goal.
I'll post some pictures here..but y'all can check the 'Meme Gallery' on the left side of my blog to check out the pics.
==========================================
After I got back from Boracay..I have been coughing like crazy and I had fever for a couple of days. I think that's what I get for getting drunk almost everyday and I was one hella smoking machine also. Sheez! So now I'm cutting down on cigarettes and alcohol....as if!
==========================================
I want to watch the concert of BEP (Black Eyed Peas) this coming Saturday...but I have work!!! I am such a LOSER!!! Daym!
==========================================
I went to National Bookstore last Saturday and the mere scent of the books sent me to nostalgia-ville. There were a lot of kids getting their school supplies. I then remembered that it's almost June..time to go back to school for these kids.
I missed going to school. I was one of 'em kids looking forward for trips to the bookstore to get stuff for the coming school year. I like it because I would always go home with a new book. *Addik sa libro
O well..I miss being a kid. I miss having less worries. I miss having limited access to the world. I miss having less means to get hurt because my life then evolved around home, school, friends and books.
*sighs
I miss the simple things in life.
============================================
LAST THING I...
Bought: book
read: my new book (The Wastelands by Stephen King)
watched on TV: Meteor Garden 2..my sister was watching it just before I left home
club/house party: I.O. KTV..surprise party for a colleague
touched) Cats/dogs: uhm...
single/taken: SINGLE..unfortunately
pen/pencil: none
gloves/mittens: none
food/candy: Potato wedges from Dome
cassette/cd: Black Eyed Peas (fave album as of the moment)
coke/Pepsi: Coke
Matches/lighter: lighter.but I'm swearing off cigarettes muna..Hah! As if!
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
kill: hmmm...
hear from: I can't tell...
look like: Claire Forlani? Hahaha!
FAVORITE...
food: PASTA!!!
drink: Water! Hah! Plastic! Pede ba alcohol?
color: blue
shoes: kick-ass boots
site:
song: "Let's Get Retarded" by the BEP
vegetable: cabbage
fruit: watermelon
THE...
Last movie you saw: Shrek 2 (Hilarious!)
Last movie you saw on the big screen: Shrek 2
Last phone number you called: my bestfriend
Last song you heard: LSS ..sasakyan kita..sa
lahat ng gusto mo....
Last thing you had to drink: Iced Tea from Dome
last thing you ate: Potato wedges from Dome
last time you showered: a couple of hours before I left to meet up with my bestfriend
last time you smiled: uhm..before I heard my crushie talking to some girl over the phone. Sheez!
last person you hugged: my bestfriend
last person you kissed: my bestfriend (cheeks) can the question be 'person you want to kiss'?!
Last thing you said: I'm jealous! Damn it!
last person you talked to online:Uhm..I can't remember
last person you talked to on the phone/how long: bestfriend
last thing you smelled: my crushie's cologne
DO YOU...
do drugs: tried it once
drink: to vague..if it's alcohol then it's a yes. Just last night.
sleep with stuffed animals: Uhm..
read the newspaper: of course!
have any gay or lesbian friends: lots of 'em!
believe in miracles: Yes... and waiting for one!
consider yourself tolerant to others: yes..but up to a certain point..
believe in astrology: i guess so..
believe in magic: what?!?
pray: as often as i could
go to church: not that much..
have any secrets: but of course!
have any pets: nope..I want to get a dog but I don't think i can take care of it with my sched at work...
go to or plan to go to college or unit: nope
Wear hats: only if I'm off to the beach or if it's friggin' cold in the office.
have any piercing: ears
have any tattoos: henna..but I want to get a permanent one...
hate yourself: sometimes..mainly bec. of things I should've done
wish on stars: sometimes
believe in witches: yes..I wanted to be one..like the Charmed Ones..
believe in Satan: Yes
believe in ghosts: yep..although I haven't seen one.
trust others easily: I'm more careful now..
like sarcasm: Oh yes!
take walks in the rain: I love the rain...
kiss with your eyes closed: awwww...
sing in the shower: yes...
love yourself: I do
miss someone: uhuh
bored: sometimes
===========================================
Yeah, I can finally say that I'm jealous right now. I didn't know I could be..but I am. And I don't know what to do...
It sucks big time! It really does.
*sighs
Why can't the people we like, like us back? Why oh fuckin' why?!?!
Actually, we arrived in Manila last Tuesday and I got sick so I only get to update my blog today since it's my off.
Well..what can I say about my trip to Boracay...hmmm...it was fun mainly because of the people I was with. We had a blast although the sun rarely showed it's hide during our stay there. We all managed to get drunk so I think we met our goal.
I'll post some pictures here..but y'all can check the 'Meme Gallery' on the left side of my blog to check out the pics.
==========================================
After I got back from Boracay..I have been coughing like crazy and I had fever for a couple of days. I think that's what I get for getting drunk almost everyday and I was one hella smoking machine also. Sheez! So now I'm cutting down on cigarettes and alcohol....as if!
==========================================
I want to watch the concert of BEP (Black Eyed Peas) this coming Saturday...but I have work!!! I am such a LOSER!!! Daym!
==========================================
I went to National Bookstore last Saturday and the mere scent of the books sent me to nostalgia-ville. There were a lot of kids getting their school supplies. I then remembered that it's almost June..time to go back to school for these kids.
I missed going to school. I was one of 'em kids looking forward for trips to the bookstore to get stuff for the coming school year. I like it because I would always go home with a new book. *Addik sa libro
O well..I miss being a kid. I miss having less worries. I miss having limited access to the world. I miss having less means to get hurt because my life then evolved around home, school, friends and books.
*sighs
I miss the simple things in life.
============================================
LAST THING I...
Bought: book
read: my new book (The Wastelands by Stephen King)
watched on TV: Meteor Garden 2..my sister was watching it just before I left home
club/house party: I.O. KTV..surprise party for a colleague
touched) Cats/dogs: uhm...
single/taken: SINGLE..unfortunately
pen/pencil: none
gloves/mittens: none
food/candy: Potato wedges from Dome
cassette/cd: Black Eyed Peas (fave album as of the moment)
coke/Pepsi: Coke
Matches/lighter: lighter.but I'm swearing off cigarettes muna..Hah! As if!
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
kill: hmmm...
hear from: I can't tell...
look like: Claire Forlani? Hahaha!
FAVORITE...
food: PASTA!!!
drink: Water! Hah! Plastic! Pede ba alcohol?
color: blue
shoes: kick-ass boots
site:
song: "Let's Get Retarded" by the BEP
vegetable: cabbage
fruit: watermelon
THE...
Last movie you saw: Shrek 2 (Hilarious!)
Last movie you saw on the big screen: Shrek 2
Last phone number you called: my bestfriend
Last song you heard: LSS ..sasakyan kita..sa
lahat ng gusto mo....
Last thing you had to drink: Iced Tea from Dome
last thing you ate: Potato wedges from Dome
last time you showered: a couple of hours before I left to meet up with my bestfriend
last time you smiled: uhm..before I heard my crushie talking to some girl over the phone. Sheez!
last person you hugged: my bestfriend
last person you kissed: my bestfriend (cheeks) can the question be 'person you want to kiss'?!
Last thing you said: I'm jealous! Damn it!
last person you talked to online:Uhm..I can't remember
last person you talked to on the phone/how long: bestfriend
last thing you smelled: my crushie's cologne
DO YOU...
do drugs: tried it once
drink: to vague..if it's alcohol then it's a yes. Just last night.
sleep with stuffed animals: Uhm..
read the newspaper: of course!
have any gay or lesbian friends: lots of 'em!
believe in miracles: Yes... and waiting for one!
consider yourself tolerant to others: yes..but up to a certain point..
believe in astrology: i guess so..
believe in magic: what?!?
pray: as often as i could
go to church: not that much..
have any secrets: but of course!
have any pets: nope..I want to get a dog but I don't think i can take care of it with my sched at work...
go to or plan to go to college or unit: nope
Wear hats: only if I'm off to the beach or if it's friggin' cold in the office.
have any piercing: ears
have any tattoos: henna..but I want to get a permanent one...
hate yourself: sometimes..mainly bec. of things I should've done
wish on stars: sometimes
believe in witches: yes..I wanted to be one..like the Charmed Ones..
believe in Satan: Yes
believe in ghosts: yep..although I haven't seen one.
trust others easily: I'm more careful now..
like sarcasm: Oh yes!
take walks in the rain: I love the rain...
kiss with your eyes closed: awwww...
sing in the shower: yes...
love yourself: I do
miss someone: uhuh
bored: sometimes
===========================================
Yeah, I can finally say that I'm jealous right now. I didn't know I could be..but I am. And I don't know what to do...
It sucks big time! It really does.
*sighs
Why can't the people we like, like us back? Why oh fuckin' why?!?!
Monday, May 17
Currently stranded in Boracay...
The sun, the sea, the sand and a whole lotta cute guys...
NOT!!!!
Yeah there was a bit of sun on our first and second day but it started raining like crazy here on our third day.
My third day here in Boracay...it's really windy here. No pushy manongs and manangs asking if I want to go boatriding or get a massage...no island hopping...no snorkeling...it's really a good thing it's my third time to come here so I don't really feel sorry for myself..only to those people who've set foot in Boracay for the first time.
Oh..I forgot to mention that I lost my phone. I somehow managed to drop it when I was fumblin' to get my camera and tripod.
But I did manage to get drunk the first night. I wanted to so I could forget that I lost my friggin' phone! Second night was spent dancing on top of chairs and posing in front of the camera with a really, really hottie!(will post picture once I get to Manila).
I have yet to lie down and take a nap in the beach. It's really windy right now and the rest of the gang already went back to their rooms to sleep. I'll maybe walk some more later and do some shopping or just plain be autistic.
'Single' people are starting to hook up with other 'single' people. I cited a few potential fish but I decided to take it slow and take my pick.
Some of the people in our group were supposed to be home already but since there were no 'bangkas' with enough courage to challenge the sea, there was no way for 'em to get to the airport and with the ticketing stations here at Bora, they could only cross their fingers that they can still get a ride back before tomorrow. Good luck to them.
I'm bound to get the flight back to Manila tomorrow. I still can't tell if I'm really having fun. I think it's too soon to tell. But I'm kinda getting a strong vibe that my first trip to Boracay two years ago still tops the chart. Daym!
NOT!!!!
Yeah there was a bit of sun on our first and second day but it started raining like crazy here on our third day.
My third day here in Boracay...it's really windy here. No pushy manongs and manangs asking if I want to go boatriding or get a massage...no island hopping...no snorkeling...it's really a good thing it's my third time to come here so I don't really feel sorry for myself..only to those people who've set foot in Boracay for the first time.
Oh..I forgot to mention that I lost my phone. I somehow managed to drop it when I was fumblin' to get my camera and tripod.
But I did manage to get drunk the first night. I wanted to so I could forget that I lost my friggin' phone! Second night was spent dancing on top of chairs and posing in front of the camera with a really, really hottie!(will post picture once I get to Manila).
I have yet to lie down and take a nap in the beach. It's really windy right now and the rest of the gang already went back to their rooms to sleep. I'll maybe walk some more later and do some shopping or just plain be autistic.
'Single' people are starting to hook up with other 'single' people. I cited a few potential fish but I decided to take it slow and take my pick.
Some of the people in our group were supposed to be home already but since there were no 'bangkas' with enough courage to challenge the sea, there was no way for 'em to get to the airport and with the ticketing stations here at Bora, they could only cross their fingers that they can still get a ride back before tomorrow. Good luck to them.
I'm bound to get the flight back to Manila tomorrow. I still can't tell if I'm really having fun. I think it's too soon to tell. But I'm kinda getting a strong vibe that my first trip to Boracay two years ago still tops the chart. Daym!
Tuesday, May 11
Yoohooo....
Yoohooo!! Andito ko..di mo ba ko nakikita?
Tsk..Mashado kaseng malayo ang tingin mo eh. Sino bang hinahanap mo?
*Ah...gusto mo na ba magka-gelpren? Talaga, matagal ka nang bakante?
E ako din naman ah! Matagal na ding wala. Bakit hindi na lang tayong dalawa?
*Ano? Panalo ba yung babaeng dumaan kanina sa harap naten? Yung nakapalda? Ganda ba ng legs?
Bakit ako di mo nako-consider na gelpren-material? Babae naman ako. Hindi nga lang nagpapalda pero ang preperens ko e mga kalalakihan. Di ba sapat yun?
*Hah? Labas tayo sa wikend? Tambay or nuod ng sine?
Sige ba. Me magagawa ba ako kung Barkada lang naman ang tingin mo saken.
Baket ganun..wala na ba akong pag-asang magka-boypren? Sobrang galing ko ba sa pagiging 'one of the boys' na di na talaga ako nakikita bilang babae na marunong din madebelop at umibig?
Ngayon tuloy nagpapantig na ang tenga ko tuwing masasabihan akong 'one of the boys'. Parang ang sarap nilang paguntug-untugin tapos itatapon ko sila sa Payatas kasama ng mga basura.
Maganda naman ako ah! Ikaw lalake, ang dami nga nateng mga interes na magkakapareha eh. Hindi mo ba napapansin yun? Hello? Ubod ka ba ng manhid?
*Ano? Gusto ko ba marinig kung anong nangyari sa date mo nung Sabado?
Ayoko. Ayoko marinig. Ok lang? Napapagod na ko mag-pretend e. Napapagod na ko labanan 'tong nararamadaman ko. Minsan kaya kong maging isang kaibigan lang. Kaso minsan nakakapagod na magsuot ng napakabigat na maskara. Gustung gusto ko nang lumantad.
*Huh? Nagugutom ba ako? Gusto ko ba ng pagkain mo?
Oo, nagugutom ako. Pero hindi sa pagkain. Gutom ako sa pag-ibig. Sa kakabanggit mo na naiinip ka na sa pagiging single, nahawaan mo na tuloy ako.
Kakainis ka talaga.
Sarap mo halikan.
Pasintabi: Pawang kathang isip lang po ito. Maaaring isipin ng mga kakilala ko na hango ito sa totoong mga pangyayari nguni't mali sila.
Tsk..Mashado kaseng malayo ang tingin mo eh. Sino bang hinahanap mo?
*Ah...gusto mo na ba magka-gelpren? Talaga, matagal ka nang bakante?
E ako din naman ah! Matagal na ding wala. Bakit hindi na lang tayong dalawa?
*Ano? Panalo ba yung babaeng dumaan kanina sa harap naten? Yung nakapalda? Ganda ba ng legs?
Bakit ako di mo nako-consider na gelpren-material? Babae naman ako. Hindi nga lang nagpapalda pero ang preperens ko e mga kalalakihan. Di ba sapat yun?
*Hah? Labas tayo sa wikend? Tambay or nuod ng sine?
Sige ba. Me magagawa ba ako kung Barkada lang naman ang tingin mo saken.
Baket ganun..wala na ba akong pag-asang magka-boypren? Sobrang galing ko ba sa pagiging 'one of the boys' na di na talaga ako nakikita bilang babae na marunong din madebelop at umibig?
Ngayon tuloy nagpapantig na ang tenga ko tuwing masasabihan akong 'one of the boys'. Parang ang sarap nilang paguntug-untugin tapos itatapon ko sila sa Payatas kasama ng mga basura.
Maganda naman ako ah! Ikaw lalake, ang dami nga nateng mga interes na magkakapareha eh. Hindi mo ba napapansin yun? Hello? Ubod ka ba ng manhid?
*Ano? Gusto ko ba marinig kung anong nangyari sa date mo nung Sabado?
Ayoko. Ayoko marinig. Ok lang? Napapagod na ko mag-pretend e. Napapagod na ko labanan 'tong nararamadaman ko. Minsan kaya kong maging isang kaibigan lang. Kaso minsan nakakapagod na magsuot ng napakabigat na maskara. Gustung gusto ko nang lumantad.
*Huh? Nagugutom ba ako? Gusto ko ba ng pagkain mo?
Oo, nagugutom ako. Pero hindi sa pagkain. Gutom ako sa pag-ibig. Sa kakabanggit mo na naiinip ka na sa pagiging single, nahawaan mo na tuloy ako.
Kakainis ka talaga.
Sarap mo halikan.
Pasintabi: Pawang kathang isip lang po ito. Maaaring isipin ng mga kakilala ko na hango ito sa totoong mga pangyayari nguni't mali sila.
Friday, May 7
Two Cents
General realizations:
I realized that...
..spending 8-12 hours/5 or even 7 days a week with my colleagues can be really fatal. May it be within the confines of the work place or outside.
..so an occasional break from work and friends can be seen as a de-stressing experience.
..credit cards can also be regarded as a double-ended sword. It can be your savior when cash is short but it can also be a hired gun once you get the billing statement. It'll make you want to migrate to another country and leave your 'utangs' behind.
..shutting up can help you not say really nasty things to people when what you'd really like to do is kill them or shake 'em till they see stars.
=============================
Personal realizations:
I realized that..
..it takes a couple of hours and a hefty meal to break my 'I-just-woke-up-and-Im-grouchy-so-back-off' mood.
..I tend to be late for work if I get at least 6 hours of sleep. But give me at least 2 hours and I'd be at the office a good 30 minutes before my shift. Talk about weird!
..that I should be heeding the advices I give to my friends about life and love. I tend to be really wise and all-knowing on that subject but when it finally happens to me: I suddenly turn into a toddler being potty-trained.
..I should stop reading any Dan Brownbooks because I'm beginning to be obssesed with Da Vinci, the Priory of Sion and other concerned conspiracies.
=============================
I'm not turning into a nerd, right? *shocked
=============================
I miss Nemo.
I know that I get to see her everyday since she's back from her maternity leave but everything's so different now.
*sighs
It'll be her birthday next week so we promised to go out and have coffee or something before I leave for Boracay.
I still wish she could come with us.
=============================
I have been religiously drinking a popular appetite-suppressant drug for days now and I feel it working.
I call it cramming. I'll be heading off to the beach so I should give justice to the two-piece string bikini I got from Speedo. Yikes!
Wish me luck!
=============================
I should avoid:
- smoking too much. Exceptions can be made if I'm on a trip or a night out.
- procastinating.
- spending too much moolah for my upcoming trip. I don't wanna end up a 'poor-ita' (as what Hundun will say) once I'm in Manila.
- pigging out hours before I sleep. I don't wanna feel bloated when I wake up.
- being a worry wart.
- having a short fuse.
=============================
I should:
- save up more.
- really get insured and start thinking about my future.
- spend time with my family more.
- check up on old friends and people I don't get to spend time with lately.
- have more patience...(crosses fingers)
=============================
I think the political ad of FPJ where he mentions the different changes he'll be doing once in office is really BS.
He mentioned things like:
: something about 'pangmatagalan na kapayapaan' but didn't elaborate (does he expect people to just bite the bullet and vote for him!?!)
: lowering the cost of medicines (again, without elaborating!)
I forgot the other things he mentioned but clearly, he's one of 'em peeps vying for office who kept dropping vague and half-baked promises hoping people would be stupid enough to see beyond his lies and vote for him.
-It makes me want to stay at home or go to the mall during Election Day and not exercise my right. Maybe I can just apply for a Visa to some far away country and leave. I can just imagine what the foreigners think of us: A former action star running for the highest position in the government. Sheesh!
I realized that...
..spending 8-12 hours/5 or even 7 days a week with my colleagues can be really fatal. May it be within the confines of the work place or outside.
..so an occasional break from work and friends can be seen as a de-stressing experience.
..credit cards can also be regarded as a double-ended sword. It can be your savior when cash is short but it can also be a hired gun once you get the billing statement. It'll make you want to migrate to another country and leave your 'utangs' behind.
..shutting up can help you not say really nasty things to people when what you'd really like to do is kill them or shake 'em till they see stars.
=============================
Personal realizations:
I realized that..
..it takes a couple of hours and a hefty meal to break my 'I-just-woke-up-and-Im-grouchy-so-back-off' mood.
..I tend to be late for work if I get at least 6 hours of sleep. But give me at least 2 hours and I'd be at the office a good 30 minutes before my shift. Talk about weird!
..that I should be heeding the advices I give to my friends about life and love. I tend to be really wise and all-knowing on that subject but when it finally happens to me: I suddenly turn into a toddler being potty-trained.
..I should stop reading any Dan Brownbooks because I'm beginning to be obssesed with Da Vinci, the Priory of Sion and other concerned conspiracies.
=============================
I'm not turning into a nerd, right? *shocked
=============================
I miss Nemo.
I know that I get to see her everyday since she's back from her maternity leave but everything's so different now.
*sighs
It'll be her birthday next week so we promised to go out and have coffee or something before I leave for Boracay.
I still wish she could come with us.
=============================
I have been religiously drinking a popular appetite-suppressant drug for days now and I feel it working.
I call it cramming. I'll be heading off to the beach so I should give justice to the two-piece string bikini I got from Speedo. Yikes!
Wish me luck!
=============================
I should avoid:
- smoking too much. Exceptions can be made if I'm on a trip or a night out.
- procastinating.
- spending too much moolah for my upcoming trip. I don't wanna end up a 'poor-ita' (as what Hundun will say) once I'm in Manila.
- pigging out hours before I sleep. I don't wanna feel bloated when I wake up.
- being a worry wart.
- having a short fuse.
=============================
I should:
- save up more.
- really get insured and start thinking about my future.
- spend time with my family more.
- check up on old friends and people I don't get to spend time with lately.
- have more patience...(crosses fingers)
=============================
I think the political ad of FPJ where he mentions the different changes he'll be doing once in office is really BS.
He mentioned things like:
: something about 'pangmatagalan na kapayapaan' but didn't elaborate (does he expect people to just bite the bullet and vote for him!?!)
: lowering the cost of medicines (again, without elaborating!)
I forgot the other things he mentioned but clearly, he's one of 'em peeps vying for office who kept dropping vague and half-baked promises hoping people would be stupid enough to see beyond his lies and vote for him.
-It makes me want to stay at home or go to the mall during Election Day and not exercise my right. Maybe I can just apply for a Visa to some far away country and leave. I can just imagine what the foreigners think of us: A former action star running for the highest position in the government. Sheesh!
Tuesday, May 4
Harangue of Sorts
=========================
I have been swimming in abyss for days now.
I let the waves bring me to the shore and back to the raging discontent that is my heart.
I want to shout at everyone and tell them that I'm a nobody. I don't deserve their friendship; their attention; I am but a sore loser wearing a mask mingling with people who don't give a hoot that my face is not really my own.
Do they not see that I'm rotting? I smile but at the back of that is a person crying..crying because of all the injustices in life.
Do they not hear that I'm calling for help? I laugh out loud but beneath those sounds are shouts for aid because I feel my soul has abandoned me.
Do they not feel my bruises? I flourish in the company of others; but I hide my battle scars with a bit of smile; an ounce of laughter and embrace from friends.
I am but a weary soldier. The battle is ongoing; it's not even nearing it's end but I'm almost ready to give up.
Where are my reinforces?
=========================
WARNING: Friends can be hazardous to your health!
I was a minute late when I came to work. Thanks to my best bud back in college. I honestly want to flush our friendship down the toilet because I no longer care what she feels..i just want to wring her neck til she sputters then eventually dies. Kinda sick, eh?
Well, after taking me for granted and after being a total ass..I just want to erase her from my life..at least for now.
ARGGGGH!!!!
I just can't stand her!
========================
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
I have been swimming in abyss for days now.
I let the waves bring me to the shore and back to the raging discontent that is my heart.
I want to shout at everyone and tell them that I'm a nobody. I don't deserve their friendship; their attention; I am but a sore loser wearing a mask mingling with people who don't give a hoot that my face is not really my own.
Do they not see that I'm rotting? I smile but at the back of that is a person crying..crying because of all the injustices in life.
Do they not hear that I'm calling for help? I laugh out loud but beneath those sounds are shouts for aid because I feel my soul has abandoned me.
Do they not feel my bruises? I flourish in the company of others; but I hide my battle scars with a bit of smile; an ounce of laughter and embrace from friends.
I am but a weary soldier. The battle is ongoing; it's not even nearing it's end but I'm almost ready to give up.
Where are my reinforces?
=========================
WARNING: Friends can be hazardous to your health!
I was a minute late when I came to work. Thanks to my best bud back in college. I honestly want to flush our friendship down the toilet because I no longer care what she feels..i just want to wring her neck til she sputters then eventually dies. Kinda sick, eh?
Well, after taking me for granted and after being a total ass..I just want to erase her from my life..at least for now.
ARGGGGH!!!!
I just can't stand her!
========================
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
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