Soulless

Author's Note: I know I'm supposed to be vacationing from all the
blogging but I can't seem to shake off what I'm feeling.

It's Christmas.

Yeah..it's Christmas and I spent it at work.
It's nothing alien to me because I spent last year's Christmas at work also.
The only difference is this time..I didn't have any fun at all.

Ohhhhh *slaps my forehead*
Hold on..I mustn't be saying all these s#*!..
Hell, I should be thankful for all that happened this year.
I've travelled a lot this year. I've met a lot of people..dated a few. I was able to bought a lotta stuff for me and my family from what I earned..I even got a lot of gifts this holiday.
But I must admit..I remained an ungrateful bitch...because I still craving for something..
something that's not tangible..what's even worse is that I can't quite decipher what it is.

I looked around and I saw my colleagues talking to each other..chatting about nonsensical stuff..
I stared at my computer..I actually didn't do much work..I spent Christmas at the office browsing sites, bloghopping and watching the episodes of my fave TV show..
Y'all can call me a loser now.
Or maybe an unappreciative wretched bitch sounds better.

I almost have everything..but there's still a burning hole inside my being..and I don't know how and why it got there..nor how to fill it in.

I went home Christmas morning with my insides crying. The inner me wanted to bawl over and cry..for no apparent reason.
You know that feeling of emptiness you get but you don't really know what it is?
Yeah..that's what I felt.

And when I was getting ready for work Christmas evening; I felt my head spinning. I tried to watch TV and even listen to the radio but all the images and sounds seemed garbled. I just had to lie down for a minute; closed my eyes and wished for everything to disappear.
It didn't.

I heard my soul crying. I knew it but I didn't know how to comfort it.
I heard my soul screaming. I knew it but I didn't know how to hush it up.

My soulyearns for something I don't even know.
I've balked out of my usual holiday itinerary and instead seeked solace inside my room.
I opted to be silent and unattached from everyone.

Maybe it needs an escape to some far off place. Some place quiet.
Maybe it needs something deeper..
I don't know..I really don't know.

Current Music: World on Fire by Sarah McLachlan
Current Mood: soulless

Goodbye...

for now that is...

I have been busy..
I have been sick for the last few days..
..but I still bloghop when I get the chance.

I have attended parties..dinners..what-have-you's..
I just don't feel like writing it.

I've also stepped into the whole Christmas hoopla..but not that much.
I can't spend a mere two hours at the mall without my eyes dilating with the throngs of people I see.
I can't stand the mall during the holidays! Arrrgggh!

So there..I really would just like to inform y'all that
I will be going on a blog vacation.
Do some soul searching..
I'll be back next year.

Merry Christmas y'all!

*mwah*

Train Wreck

..a full moon and a cloudless sky...
reminds me of how it is to be blissfully happy..

..noisy mindless chatter..
reminds me of how much I treasure solitude

..a lovely soulful song..
reminds me of how it is to fall madly and deeply in love..

Yes, I'm in a romantic where-is-my-prince mood today..

'Cause I'm a train wreck
Waiting to happen
Waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
A wild fire born of frustration
Born of a world, oh, that gets me so high
I've no fear at all'

-Train Wreck by Sarach McLachlan

The night we all got drunk...

Finally, the birthday celebration pushed through.

I didn't know that planning a party could be that hard. But a lotta people got drunk and for me that's an indication of a successful party!
Just imagine: an overflowing assortment of wine, tequila, vodka and beer..Sheesh! Who's the loser who wouldn't get drunk with all those liquors?!

The Promil Kid graced us all with her presence. You see, she's a proclaimed anti-social individual and for her to exert an effort to swing by our party was truly a privilege..oh, I take it back..I call it a miracle of sorts. I am most grateful, ma'm. Lol!
There were some unexpected guests that night but they were all welcomed with open arms and a shot of tequila!
DM_Rey showed up. He no longer works for our company but he managed to get everyone drunk including himself.
Snoop Dog and Dinosaur showed up.

It was a pretty cool party although I'm not in the mood to give a blow-by-blow account.
We all got drunk so let's leave it at that.

Here are some pics as proof how much fun we had last Saturday:


Here's what we looked like before we all got drunk..




DMRey, Trish_d_ish, me, Benz and Mr. Incredible


Look ma, no tongue! hahah


W A S T E D!!!!

Cheesy as I can be!?!

It's the end of work week and I'm obviously trying to NOT do a lotta work.

I found myself browsing through my inbox and I chanced upon this goodbye email I sent to the guy who made me feel sooo special:

WARNING: A lotta cheesy stuff coming your way! Hahah!

----
hi baby....( i guess after the big day i won't be allowed to call you my baby, sweetie, darling or in short MINE)

i miss you more than ever...i really do...thinking that i only get to be close to you til next week...it kills me...i really don't know what i'll do if i don't get to chat or talk to you...I am more afraid that once you get back from your honeymoon...if we decide to still talk..what are we gonna talk about? 'how was your wedding?' or will i just ping you if i have work-related questions to ask...i am dreading that day...i really do. And one other reason why I really would want to change shift is becuase i am dreading to get those "X married Y...so what's gonna happen to you now?"-look that my close friends here at the office are gonna give me. I really hate to go through that stage. I am wishing so hard that I could just disappear for a time and then come back healed or at least i get to skip that stage...(cheesy! rolls eye)

Sometimes I feel bad because I can really see that both of us were trying to escape reality..with those talks we had these past few weeks..if someone would only look at our thread, they wouldn't think that we are going through this shit. There were a couple of times that I feel happy and blessed because inspite of the distance, i really can feel your love(cheesy!)...but there are other times that i kinda hate you because you are trying to keep me only to drop me as soon as you get married...

I know that our love has no end(cheesy)...but the fact still remains...you are getting married...

When you left for the States...i was a bit okay knowing that my memory of you is as clear as if you're infront of me...so clear and so close i can almost touch you...and now that the final curtain(cheesy!) is down...i'm afraid i am actually gonna feel the distance...i won't be able to feel your love anymore...and i won't be able to make you feel that you are so, so special to me. I don't think i would get to feel this way for somebody else...i don't think i would ever get to feel this loved by somebody else...

Thank you for coming into my life...
Thank you for letting me feel so special....
Thank you for teaching me to how to really love inspite of the distance...i really get to feel your love...
Thank you for loving me...I wouldn't want it to end...I would want to spend my life with you...grow old with you...(cheesy)
Thank you for letting me feel all these things...I will be forever grateful...grateful that you came into my life...

I am not saying goodbye...we still have a week to go...
I am not also saying that I will be waiting...but I'm afraid that's exactly what I'm gonna do...(rolls eye)
I am not placing a period or an end to whatever we have shared together...I guess there's just this special place that we are destined to go to...to be together...but now is not the time...
I am not losing hope that love will always find a way....but I am not thinking ill of your marriage with Y...nor hoping it'll come to an end soon...
I am not saying goodbye...I have tried so many times...but I can't bring myself to walk away from what I feel for you...
I am not saying goodbye.........(rolls eye)

I love you...I always will...(CHEESY!!!)
I love you...that phrase I may need to silently say from now on...
I love you...nothing's gonna change what I feel..(rolls eye)
I love you...I may not be with you right now..but I really hope you could feel my love...
I love you...I'm here...you won't lose me...
I love you...you'll be able to find me again...in time...


I will miss you...
I will miss you forever...
I wish only the best for you...
Stay happy...you are loved...
---------

I didn't know I could be that cheesy when I'm in love! Haha!
Well, if you guys want to find out what happened to him:
He's already married. He now has a cute baby girl. Sometimes he'd still send me pictures of the baby and stuff.
I'm happy for him. Happy that he's now a family man and have become a responsible husband and father.

I just wanted to post the letter to remind myself that anyone can be as cheesy and corny when it comes to matters of the heart.

Sheez! Can somebody just kill me?!?!

----------

Have a great weekend everyone! *mwah*

I just have to let it out:

GOD, YOU ARE STILL SOOOOOO DELICIOUS!!!

Ngarrrrrrr...

Can I take you home?

*sighs*

Hapi Berdey!!!

Nagulat ako ng nagsimba ako kanina sa may amin.
Ang daming tao. Ang daming nagtitinda sa labas. Ubod ng dami ngayon kesa dati.Tsaka ang mga tao din..hindi ko alam kung san nagsulputan..

Ahhh...kase piyesta na samen..December 1
December 1 din berdey ko.Yahhuuuu...

Kaya yung mga kakilala ko na taga-samen hindi nakakalimutan ang berdey ko kase piyesta din sa lugar namen..inuman..kainan..sayawan..
Tsaka celebration din ng World Aid's Day yun.
Astig talaga ang berdey ko no?!

Alala ko nung bata ako at kapag berdey ko laging walang pasok. Lahat hapi-hapi.
Ako naman badtrip kase hindi ako nababati ng mga klasmeyt ko.
Kaya ng grumadweyt ako ng hayskul, masayang masaya ako kase malalayo na ako sa lugar namen at mababati na din ako pag berdey ko!

Wala lang..alala ko lang yung mga berdey ko dati. Laging umuulan..pramis.
Dati naiinis pa ako dahil pag nagpapa-party ako e inuulan. Pero ngayong matanda na ako, nalaman ko na blessing pala yun..pram abab. *winks*

Ngayong taon na to, maraming mga pers na nangyari..

Pers taym kong magpapa-party para sa mga ka-opisina ko. Nung isang taon kase, dinedma ko lang sila. Yung iba kung barkada ang nilibre ko. Ngayong taon sila naman.

Pers taym ko ding na-sorpresa. Nasa opisina kase ako ng pumatak ang berdey ko. Oo, may pasok ako.
Alam ko loser ako! Tapos yung kasama ko pa sa shift e hap-dey kaya ako lang talaga.As in a-l-o-n-e.
Tapos malaman laman ko pag patak ng alas-dose, may nagpatay ng ilaw sa wing namen at biglang may mga boses na kumanta ng 'Hapi Berdey'..ayun..
mejo naiyak ako dahil naka-relate na din ako sa feeling ng sinorpresa sa kanyang kaarawan.
Sinurprise ako nila Enigma, Twin, Uree, Potato Pao, Celtic Soul, Jr. Varsity at si Brat.
Maraming maraming salamat sa inyong mga nag-sorpresa saken. Sobrang touched talaga ako. *sniffs* Hehe!
Kahit walang magreregalo ng boypren saken okay lang..mahal ko pa din kayong mga prends ko!

Malay naten sa Sabado; sa pa-parti namen ni Deej e magkaron na ko ng boypren...hehehe!

WISHFUL THINKING!
Hmpf..hapi berdey na nga lang saken!

*Salamat sa lahat ng bumati!


Jr. Varsity, Celtic Soul, Uree, Me, Brat, Twin and Potato Pao