Emotionally Disoriented Me

Current mood: Contemplative
Current music: Twist of Marley

I finished reading 'Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas' by James Patterson over the weekend and it left me wanting to have my own baby. Hah!

Aside from common reasons for wanting to have a kid...I want to have one so I can have someone to write a diary for. I dunno..my mind's not its usual self today so please don't mind my ranting.

Then I suddenly thought of some stuff that I will do once I have my own kid ..things that wasn't actually done to me or my sibs by our mom. I realized my mom didn't really take care of us..well..maybe I'm talking about the personal level. My parents were able to provide for us: food, clothing, shelter. They were able to send me to school and to make me graduate. But that's basically it. I can't talk to them about personal stuff.

When I was born, it was my uncle who took care of me. My mom hurriedly went back to work. I don't blame my 'rents for making sure that we were well provided for but I think they lacked big time in being an all-hands guide for their kids.

I won't be like my mom. I'll try to be more than my mom.

*sighs

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Emotionally Disoriented...

I can say that I hardly recognize myself nowadays..it's like i'm just drifting from work, home, gimiks with friends and I know deep inside that I'm not a willing participant to anything that's happening to me right now.

My trip to Boracay had an even greater effect on me than I expected. Some of it had something to do with how I now view my life..my relationship with myself, family,colleagues and friends.

Or maybe I'm just making all these up. I sometimes wish I'm living off some character in one of the books I've read. It would be easier 'coz my life and what will happen to me will all depend on what the author wants.

I try to drown my thoughts by reading and listening to music as much as I can. Idle moments would mean I get to face my self and I know I can't handle it right now.

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Oh..and this just got in...

my friend who's in the US is goin to get married this Friday!

I just got a text from our other friend about the news and it really came as a surprise to all of us. OMG!!!

We all thought she'll be the last one to get married coz she was the most immature gal from our group. I guess she changed big time when she met her guy.

Twin was right..we're now entering a stage where everyone around us is getting settled.

Daym! I'm so happy for my friend but I feel sad for the rest of us... *sniffs

Everyone's getting what they want after making major changes and decisions...does that mean I have to do the same thing first before something good will happen to me?

Nooooooo!!!!! Get me outta here...I'm going crazy!!!