I really have to stop smoking..

I have been sick since Wednesday..
I blame the stress I get from work and life..
I know..I can get sick from anything..and I guess I'm really not taking care of myself. There. Spank me.

I didn't show up for work for the last two days and I even got questioned for not notifying my superiors about my second missed day at work. I'm sick, I couldn't breathe normally so I found it hard to pick the phone up and inform them that I'm still under the weather.

So why am I out this Saturday morning?
I guess I needed some fresh air and some sunlight. I stayed cooped up inside my room for the past two days: just watching tv and reading books. I can say I'm really sick coz I don't even have the urge to eat. Dang!

I promise to take care of myself more.
I promise to try and quit smoking. It's hard coz almost all my friends are smokers;I'm not even welcome to the idea of inhaling second hand smoke. Read it somewhere that it's far deadlier than smoking the damn cigarettes yourself.
I promise to make quality time for myself. It's hard having so many friends (kapal!) and having all of them think up gimiks each weekend. I love them but I also love myself. So I just wish they'd understand if I take a raincheck once in a while.
I promise to be true to myself. I've been so indecisive about the li'l things and I'm really beginning to think that it has a deeper significance. That I'm really clueless about what I want in life right now. So I wish someone could knock some sense into me. Any takers?

I don't really want to be me right now..

=======

"I think about you sometimes. Sometimes would mean moments when I'm alone and left to my own devices. Sometimes also mean instances when I am away from you. When I know you are busy looking for that special someone and you seem to be overlooking the one who's in front of you. I swear I could wave a glow stick in your face and you still wouldn't notice me. It just shows how far you're looking. Why can't you look at the space in front of you? I'm there..you won't miss me."

"I consider you a dear friend. Someone I can spend hours talking about a lot of things. Someone who has the same interests as mine. Sometimes it scares me how we like the same stuff..the same songs..the same movies..the same nonsensical stuff..it's scary because it screams that we are perfectly made for each other. And yet you don't notice it."

"I have stopped fighting the urges. I have stopped jumping and waving just to get your attention. I got tired and it's time for me to take a seat. The feeling is still there..but I have decided to just view you from a far. I'll continue seeing you struggle with yourself..unwary that someone else is willing to share that single space with you."