Soulless

Author's Note: I know I'm supposed to be vacationing from all the
blogging but I can't seem to shake off what I'm feeling.

It's Christmas.

Yeah..it's Christmas and I spent it at work.
It's nothing alien to me because I spent last year's Christmas at work also.
The only difference is this time..I didn't have any fun at all.

Ohhhhh *slaps my forehead*
Hold on..I mustn't be saying all these s#*!..
Hell, I should be thankful for all that happened this year.
I've travelled a lot this year. I've met a lot of people..dated a few. I was able to bought a lotta stuff for me and my family from what I earned..I even got a lot of gifts this holiday.
But I must admit..I remained an ungrateful bitch...because I still craving for something..
something that's not tangible..what's even worse is that I can't quite decipher what it is.

I looked around and I saw my colleagues talking to each other..chatting about nonsensical stuff..
I stared at my computer..I actually didn't do much work..I spent Christmas at the office browsing sites, bloghopping and watching the episodes of my fave TV show..
Y'all can call me a loser now.
Or maybe an unappreciative wretched bitch sounds better.

I almost have everything..but there's still a burning hole inside my being..and I don't know how and why it got there..nor how to fill it in.

I went home Christmas morning with my insides crying. The inner me wanted to bawl over and cry..for no apparent reason.
You know that feeling of emptiness you get but you don't really know what it is?
Yeah..that's what I felt.

And when I was getting ready for work Christmas evening; I felt my head spinning. I tried to watch TV and even listen to the radio but all the images and sounds seemed garbled. I just had to lie down for a minute; closed my eyes and wished for everything to disappear.
It didn't.

I heard my soul crying. I knew it but I didn't know how to comfort it.
I heard my soul screaming. I knew it but I didn't know how to hush it up.

My soulyearns for something I don't even know.
I've balked out of my usual holiday itinerary and instead seeked solace inside my room.
I opted to be silent and unattached from everyone.

Maybe it needs an escape to some far off place. Some place quiet.
Maybe it needs something deeper..
I don't know..I really don't know.

Current Music: World on Fire by Sarah McLachlan
Current Mood: soulless