...

it's weird and disconcerting how I'm suddenly looking up old friends and old pictures from my then life. I'm not sure if it's because I'm already away from home that I'm suddenly missing it terribly. I'm not sure if it's a normal reaction now that I'm here. I'm scared because it feels as if I've left a part of me - the child in me back home.

I never realized that with leaving, I have blindly stepped out of my childhood and the life I've known. I feel as if I've finally closed a certain chapter in my life I can never go back to. I've stepped out, waved goodbye, people were (kinda) sad of my going but after that life for them continues - minus me.

I guess it's different for me because with leaving, I've to create another comfort zone for myself - minus everyone I love nearby. It scares the shit out of me.

I suddenly miss my bestfriend, my girls, my old friends. I think I've been trying to avoid feeling all these because I have to be strong not only for myself but for my family that depends on me.

The carefree me would always welcome new experiences, but that's not the me talking right now.

Maybe I'll just bawl over and cry when I get home..maybe then I'll feel better.

'Nuff said.