Don't believe me...

I have loved several times, often times it amounted to me being hurt but I never lost hope. Failures in the past may have dwindled my belief that there is that special someone made for me. I even questioned the Higher Being countless times but I as always; receive one answer - to live and continue to believe.

I was never patient. I have led myself to believe that I have no penchant for staying still and letting the world work its magic in my life. I told myself that I can not not do anything. As always, I was wrong. I was like a dog running after its own tail. Not realizing that I will not be able to catch it no matter how fast I run after it.

No matter how many times I tell myself that I have lost interest in life; lost hope in ever finding love; deep inside my complicated mind I know I'm still a believer - a silent one. I drown myself with superficial laughter and happiness; I embrace myself with false comfort knowing that minutes before I close my eyes and sleep, I will tell myself that this charade will not last forever.

I realized that I am but a child. I believe that love will conquer all. I believe hoping that everything that happens - good or bad - is all directed to one central good. I am in love with a man I have yet to meet. I sit patiently, go about my usual way, knowing that the man I'm supposed to be with is also thinking of me and wondering where I'm at.

So don't believe me if I tell you that I'm tired of life and I've given up hope in finding my love. My innards scream the opposite. I am in love with life - skewed and cruel as it is. I am just grateful to be me.